Today, I came back from the doctor after having been diagnosed with a UTI. My dad now won't shut up about it, saying stuff like, "You must be 'pissed'", "Looks like 'urine' a bit of pain", and "'Urea'-lly need some antibiotics, son", all while making obnoxious finger quotes in the air. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend was diagnosed with a UTI. He thought men can only get UTIs by "catching" them from a woman, so he blamed me for it. FML
Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML
Today, even after recovering and being able to walk again, my dad keeps peeing in a bucket by his bed. He sees nothing wrong with this, even though it smells. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with a kidney infection; the symptoms include nausea and having to pee every five minutes. I had to walk six miles in the pouring rain to pick up the medication, peed in the woods twice, got honked at while throwing up on the road, and my boyfriend told me not to complain. FML
Today, I have a UTI. After taking some sample medicine my doctor gave to me, I had a lot of back pain and nausea. I also spent 6 hours in the ER with no health insurance because I thought I was urinating blood. Nope, "peeing red" is just a little side-effect my doctor forgot to inform me of. FML
Today, I explained to my dad that I think I have a vaginal infection. I asked if he could take me to the doctor. He responded by saying, "Just shove some ice up there. It'll go away." FML
Today, I woke up at night to go to the toilet. My Dad was doing his thing with the toilet door wide open. I saw, screamed at the top of my lungs and peed my pants in horror. Now my throat hurts and I'm too embarrassed to look at him. FML
Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML
Today, I'm recovering from a urinary tract infection. The infection made me have to pee constantly. Now the antibiotics I'm taking for it are giving me the shits instead. FML
Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying, "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML
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Top comments
BrookieAnn 19
Tell him to piss off
Pleonasm 36
I dream that one day that will be me. Punning is an infectious humour; and one that is gaining tract-ion on this site.
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Comments (88)
profoundkisses 18
Those are pretty good puns HAHAHAHA
noelasis94 18
Well laughter is natures medicine they say.
buddy51 23
You'll feel better OP if you consider how much fun your dads gonna have when you have an inflamed hemorrhoid or spastic colon!!!! Explosive diarrhea will put your dad in stitches and dislocate his "air quote" fingers
cheezball63 8
And the winner of dad of the year is....
kdbernie10 3
Oh come on. He is just trying to lighten the mood. If this happened to me my dad would do the same thing and I would laugh about it. I give the guy credit for trying to lighten things up.
LyraAlluse 25
I just keep picturing Dr. Evil doing this in my mind which doesn't help the cause if you know what I mean.
stanhate 5
I've always enjoyed puns! :D don't know what's wrong with others.
Rokara 10
Puns really seem a-'tract'-ed to you.
ilesuk 11
Best option here is just ignore him. UTI are horrid, don't let his immaturity stress you out more.
clubcoffee 9
You must be really pee-ved, OP. :(