Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, I thought my online boyfriend was calling me, so the first line I said was "Hey, Baby." His wife answered with, "This is Jenny. Who's this?" After speaking for thirty minutes, I found out he's married, fifty-eight, and has two kids. I'm seventeen. FML
Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML
Today, my husband answered a FaceTime call from his mother not 30 seconds after sex. I was naked in bed next to him. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML
Today, after waking up beside my girlfriend to get ready to go to work, I leaned down to kiss her while she was still asleep, and she said, "Have a good day Jake." My name starts with a J, but it's not Jake. FML
Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML
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Top comments
ThatOneDrummer 8
So he's either cheating on you with a woman, a man, or he's just really enthusiastic about car insurance.
boofgall 16
"And he's making you hard?"
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Comments (180)
rg350dx 29
Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there! With a divorce lawyer!
OlgaCornmuffin 7
and apparently the girl from 3C! lol
Jakespeed207 4
AND CAN I GET A HOT TUB?!?!
fischerxx 10
...
jem970 19
Ok to all the people who think he's trolling his wife. The guy in the commercial never said "baby you're making me hard." He is obviously cheating. OP, once a cheater always a cheater. It doesn't matter if he has seen her in person or it hasn't progressed past phone sex, if you want try and save your marriage. If not you deserve better. No one should be cheated on. But I do give your hubby bonus points for execution, that is a funny answer to give.
interesting33 37
He would have to be incredibly thick to say that whilst in the same bed as his sleeping wife... so I am guessing it is a troll? At least check :)
TheCutestLizard 28
How did this FML get published? It's clearly made up.
gandalfllama 4
Haha wow. He actually tried to pull that one on you?
AscianShadow 1
Your boyfriend, although a cheater, has the best answers ever!
toaster012 17
Why'd you do it jake!?
grtfuldeadlovr 27
That's classic. Does he realize in the commercial the woman still doesn't believe him.
Ziggy122 15
It was the ******* khakis, man...