Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, I thought my online boyfriend was calling me, so the first line I said was "Hey, Baby." His wife answered with, "This is Jenny. Who's this?" After speaking for thirty minutes, I found out he's married, fifty-eight, and has two kids. I'm seventeen. FML
Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML
Today, my husband answered a FaceTime call from his mother not 30 seconds after sex. I was naked in bed next to him. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML
Today, after waking up beside my girlfriend to get ready to go to work, I leaned down to kiss her while she was still asleep, and she said, "Have a good day Jake." My name starts with a J, but it's not Jake. FML
Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML
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Top comments
ThatOneDrummer 8
So he's either cheating on you with a woman, a man, or he's just really enthusiastic about car insurance.
boofgall 16
"And he's making you hard?"
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Comments (180)
TheNewGuy03 29
I hope that at least one person noticed that what he actually said sounds almost exactly like what he claimed to have said (that is, if said in a low voice). So there's at least the possibility...
middlecyclone 5
Huh???
TheNewGuy03 29
"Baby, you're making me hard." "Jake from State Farm." Assonance. That is all. I think the bastard is cheating, too. Shit.
middlecyclone 5
Uh...no. That is not assonance. Also the huh was in reference to your poorly worded comment and not about what the OP said.
TheNewGuy03 29
...then you define assonance, because my understanding of it is that it is simply a collection of similar vowel sounds present within a phrase or sentence. My original point was that the dude, in his attempt to be surreptitious, was too loud, therefore alerting his spouse, prompting him to utter a phrase that sounds similar using the same collection of vowels. I apologize if my original verbiage was difficult to understand. I was simply playing Devil's Advocate and pointing out a possibility. **** it. I'm done.
rokolodo 10
You just had to laugh.!! That was good, lol
jem970 19
Oh yes I alwayd laugh when I find out I am being cheated on! It is so funny! Not.
rokolodo 10
So, you rather not find out?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
I'm sure everyone would prefer to find out, but saying that OP should laugh at this is a little far. I certainly wouldn't laugh if I found out I was being cheated on, and I don't know of anyone who would.
DarkAngelsBlade 25
...I'd pretend to be on the phone and do that on purpose to play a prank on my other. Getting slapped would so be worth it.
twye 22
So losing your spouse's trust would be worth it too?
roxxyfoxxy3 25
-84 Eh. I can imagine that as something me and my crush would do. :o if your close enough with your spouse, then they would probably know automatically it isn't true.
Kitten_Calderon 14
I'm guessing he's cheating... I'm sorry op. I hope you can work things out and that he's actually not cheating.
Inciter 33
It sounds like cheating to me. Sorry, OP. Hopefully things work out for you.
perdix 31
Did the voice on the other end mutter, "She'll never buy that?"
kurodansei 16
I cant even be mad because this just sounds like a Troll husband who let the joke go too far. as in he"s not actually cheating.
TheWhiteLotus 5
Are you people insinuating that none of you have EVER seen that State Farm commercial??? That's EXACTLY how it plays out. Take into consideration the length this man might be going to in order to simply troll his wife. Let's not all assume he's a dirtbag, yet.
middlecyclone 5
Um...in the commercial, the wife did not hear the husband say "baby you're making me hard." Just because the punchline is the same, that does not make the rest EXACTLY the same.
BobbieH 19
Maybe your husband is an insurance policy fetishist?! Google it, apparently this is a real thing. Jake really is a good neighbor if he is indulging your husband at 2am!
UshraKhan 3
I wonder what he was actually insuring haha
becca21_fml 2
He doesn't say anything remotely close to the commercial. The guy doesn't call Jake "baby" & he doesn't say anything about getting hard. You clearly caught him cheating.