Revealing

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

Doubling down

Today, I thought my online boyfriend was calling me, so the first line I said was "Hey, Baby." His wife answered with, "This is Jenny. Who's this?" After speaking for thirty minutes, I found out he's married, fifty-eight, and has two kids. I'm seventeen. FML

Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML

Mama's Boy

Today, my husband answered a FaceTime call from his mother not 30 seconds after sex. I was naked in bed next to him. FML

Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML

Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML

Who's that?

Today, after waking up beside my girlfriend to get ready to go to work, I leaned down to kiss her while she was still asleep, and she said, "Have a good day Jake." My name starts with a J, but it's not Jake. FML

Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML