Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, I thought my online boyfriend was calling me, so the first line I said was "Hey, Baby." His wife answered with, "This is Jenny. Who's this?" After speaking for thirty minutes, I found out he's married, fifty-eight, and has two kids. I'm seventeen. FML
Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML
Today, my husband answered a FaceTime call from his mother not 30 seconds after sex. I was naked in bed next to him. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML
Today, after waking up beside my girlfriend to get ready to go to work, I leaned down to kiss her while she was still asleep, and she said, "Have a good day Jake." My name starts with a J, but it's not Jake. FML
Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML
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Top comments
ThatOneDrummer 8
So he's either cheating on you with a woman, a man, or he's just really enthusiastic about car insurance.
boofgall 16
"And he's making you hard?"
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Comments (180)
dead_insects 18
although the situation is far from funny...that response made me laugh out loud. Eep...Im horrible :-
slacker_69 6
Either he is playing a joke on you or he is cheating on you either way his immedient response of "Jake from state farm" is pretty funny but FYL
laoxo16 10
this is actually hilarious
Stefanie88 24
Kudos to him for fast thinking!
ryan_eberle 3
That's hilarious
naiveprophet 15
His response is epic, but his actions are quite the reverse. Hopefully he isn't really cheating OP
brandoneyez1 25
He most certainly is cheating... And he's stupid too... Second opinion... Ok and jake is gay so its not even a women he cheated with.. Sorry op
cf1313 6
Ya jake makes him hard, really great car insurance...
mimaayyy 7
Your husband is a genius...a jackass, but a genius
Qball12193 4
Hahahahahaha that's funny!!!