Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a "headache." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house, and her dad saw us. She decided that she didn't feel like riding along when it was time for her dad to drive me home, and went to bed. I, on the other hand, got to have a 15-minute conversation about the merits of "physical boundaries." FML
Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house. She'd told me not to ring the doorbell and just come in so that I wouldn't wake her dad up. As I walked upstairs, her father walked out of the bathroom naked. We locked eyes. I can't get the image out of my head. FML
Today, I was hooking up with my girlfriend when her dad knocked on the clear door that leads to the room. About 5 minutes later both of her parents came in to give us the "talk" which included the first time her parents did it. In detail. FML
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend, who’s a massage therapist, if he could help my mom with her chronic migraines by massaging her head and neck. My dad came home, saw them in the dimly lit room and knocked my boyfriend out cold for "touching his woman." My boyfriend dumped me and wants my dad arrested. FML
Today, I had a girl come over to my house that I had been texting for four days. I asked her what she wanted to do and she replied "take a nap". Becoming really excited I lead her to my bedroom and went to the hiding spot for my condoms, she was serious about the nap. FML
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Top comments
greeneye_fml 12
Cockblocked by Richard Simmons.
SkoomaKi 28
Troll dad always wins! Unless put against Troll mom.
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Comments (184)
greeneye_fml 12
Cockblocked by Richard Simmons.
nofearjenshere 12
Richard Simmons wants that **** all to himself. ;)
ICastillo 25
Haha troll dad strikes again. Dude just tell her your in to exercising and you will give her the ride of her life.
MrSassypants 34
#23 What kind of douchebag and stupid pick up line is that?
ICastillo 25
Not a pick up line dumb ass, that's what he could of told her after she saw the Richard Simmons poster.
Shrike 24
"Tell her YOUR in"? "Could OF told"? Seriously? I doubt she'd want to **** someone who sounds like he flunked remedial English.
MrSassypants 34
Well it technically isn't a pick up line but yet it is still a statement full of douchbaggyness (yeah stupid word, I know) and pretty stupid. It's basically saying "Well let me say how good I am in bed and get you to have sex with me!"
starbucksguy 16
Douchbaggyness is a pretty cool word...I might start using it...
MrSassypants 34
Sorry, I already had it trademarked. You need to pay me 5 cents every time you use it.
KiddNYC1O 22
I was raped here once for using the word "douchebagish".
maxmex13 7
44 - whoever came up with that trademark stuff is full of douchbaggyness :)
Wow_FYL_BIZNITCH 7
Headaches are a bad excuse for not having sex. Women orgasms secrete a painkilling hormone that will get rid of that headache. Little FF, for y'all.
dominic1221 6
Yeah and few women can actually consistently attain ******, even when they leave the pleasuring to someone who knows what they're doing, ie themselves. Little FF for ya, junior.
RaggleFrock 13
Did anyone else think Gene Simmons?
mfjkr 10
Use Douchenozzle, sounds better.
melikesfml 11
This fml is so freaking wierd.
digitaljunky 5
Yeah.. All that neon spandex would give anyone a headache!
Spanik 10
105- that's if the man gives the woman ******-worthy sex!
yaya1213 6
It's not a pick up line if he already has her
MerrikBarbarian 9
105- try having sex before you offer advise about it. Sex can help a migraine yes, if the woman orgasms. It does shit all for a sinus head ache and makes a tension head ache worse. Also I dunno about you, but the last thing I want to do is have sex when I feel like I'm gonna hurl from pain
tjv3 10
I think I like your dad.
emmy627 2
HAHA!
_krystallynn_ 11
why is everybody so obsessed with proper grammar on this site?
jackal181 7
BOOM! Roasted
lopsop 12
Roast? Where's seth macfarland? And who's getting roasted? Is it Charlie sheen again?
JTthePurpleNinja 5
Is that a Jenna marbles quote ?!
bab_chik25 1
It's from that show the office
RockN 10
Ummmm...lol!
b0ngs 7
Really? Umm? Thats all you can think of?
MrSassypants 34
Ummmm......... yes!
Sydney92 3
thank you all for contributing to this fml. you can go home now.
jackii1313 9
Your dad sure has a sense of humor! Haha
Nightwing98 22
This is the funniest FML I've read in a long time!
kira_the_boss 1
No, his dad just couldn't find room to put up the posters in his own bedroom.
04chevyshortbed 0
Loool
nofearjenshere 12
Poool
SkoomaKi 28
Foool
THE_A_TEEN 28
Toool!
DobiesJS2012 9
Stoool
JoeRogansBEARD 15
Coool
yetanotherginger 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
c-c-c-combo breakeroool
GroovyGravy 7
Droool?
nado13579 12
Boool (Yes, bool is actually a word)
TheMysticSilas 0
ghoul :D
mattorama 15
Gruel
luckyd880 12
Well this is just getting out of hand.....
simcop2387 10
Where did he get the posters to begin with?
kissandcontrol01 20
Riiight!! He must have been saving em
amandajlucas2015 2
Or he went n bought them at the store???
luckyd880 12
Not everyone has Richard Simmons posters lying around?..
vintage3113 6
Someone must have done the same thing to him haha
SkoomaKi 28
Troll dad always wins! Unless put against Troll mom.
SmokingUnicorn 8
Trolling woman? Oh god. we are ******.
GracesDelirium 9
Yep.
djxerxes9000 18
You can't be cockblocked by Richard Simmons, he loves the ****.
GroovyGravy 7
I could use some Richard Simmons posters
vbmg152 19
Ha ha ha!!! YDI!!