Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a "headache." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house, and her dad saw us. She decided that she didn't feel like riding along when it was time for her dad to drive me home, and went to bed. I, on the other hand, got to have a 15-minute conversation about the merits of "physical boundaries." FML
Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house. She'd told me not to ring the doorbell and just come in so that I wouldn't wake her dad up. As I walked upstairs, her father walked out of the bathroom naked. We locked eyes. I can't get the image out of my head. FML
Today, I was hooking up with my girlfriend when her dad knocked on the clear door that leads to the room. About 5 minutes later both of her parents came in to give us the "talk" which included the first time her parents did it. In detail. FML
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend, who’s a massage therapist, if he could help my mom with her chronic migraines by massaging her head and neck. My dad came home, saw them in the dimly lit room and knocked my boyfriend out cold for "touching his woman." My boyfriend dumped me and wants my dad arrested. FML
Today, I had a girl come over to my house that I had been texting for four days. I asked her what she wanted to do and she replied "take a nap". Becoming really excited I lead her to my bedroom and went to the hiding spot for my condoms, she was serious about the nap. FML
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Top comments
greeneye_fml 12
Cockblocked by Richard Simmons.
SkoomaKi 28
Troll dad always wins! Unless put against Troll mom.
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Comments (184)
thecovert 7
TFF!!! Sad you couldn't explain and still get some.
poopycat 5
So your girlfriend came over to your house, then HE winked at you? I wonder how that happened
Krulin 8
You might want to get a grown-up to help you read the FML right.
jenny123321 0
Haha he didn't want you to get nothing in....
pnutbutternjelly 15
That is hilarious.
obviousboy 8
The ultimate troll.
thatoneguy79 10
Well OP, I have to say that was pretty good. I personally would have busted up laughing when I opened the door. But that's just me. And I bet if you had laughed it off, she would have too, though I could be wrong. If nothing else, find a different room. Linen closet always worked well for me.
Omnomnomnivore 10
You're dad seems ******* awesome.. Be happy he has a goods sense of humor
Taz23_fml 6
Damn you got cockbloked by yo dad and richard simmons. I do believe that's a double tap cockblock
jzs217 3
well then that girl's a shallow bitch.
Keliosan 6
FYL because your dad owned the shit out of you man. Don't ask next time.