Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a "headache." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house, and her dad saw us. She decided that she didn't feel like riding along when it was time for her dad to drive me home, and went to bed. I, on the other hand, got to have a 15-minute conversation about the merits of "physical boundaries." FML
Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house. She'd told me not to ring the doorbell and just come in so that I wouldn't wake her dad up. As I walked upstairs, her father walked out of the bathroom naked. We locked eyes. I can't get the image out of my head. FML
Today, I was hooking up with my girlfriend when her dad knocked on the clear door that leads to the room. About 5 minutes later both of her parents came in to give us the "talk" which included the first time her parents did it. In detail. FML
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend, who’s a massage therapist, if he could help my mom with her chronic migraines by massaging her head and neck. My dad came home, saw them in the dimly lit room and knocked my boyfriend out cold for "touching his woman." My boyfriend dumped me and wants my dad arrested. FML
Today, I had a girl come over to my house that I had been texting for four days. I asked her what she wanted to do and she replied "take a nap". Becoming really excited I lead her to my bedroom and went to the hiding spot for my condoms, she was serious about the nap. FML
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Top comments
greeneye_fml 12
Cockblocked by Richard Simmons.
SkoomaKi 28
Troll dad always wins! Unless put against Troll mom.
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Comments (184)
itsalanis 25
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Man, your dad's a jerk... think of something to get some payback c:
b0ngs 7
Hey, at least his dad has a sense of humor!
MigraineurOfLife 15
... And you thought all you had to worry about was your parents bringing out your embarrassing photos.
DocBastard 40
I will DEFINITELY use this with my son. Make sure you give your father a big high-five from me. I think I'll use posters of Bieber. I'm sure I can find some easily enough.
nofearjenshere 12
Don't lie, you secretly have Beiber posters all over your house ;)
dinoluvsrawr 2
At least they won't have to listen to Bieber's music ^^
Trisha_aus 15
Making love while listening to 'baby baby baby oh oh?!' oh lord I can't even imagine
Rowdey 10
I know. Wouldn't it be great?!
nahbean13 3
13 - Twilight posters would work as well.
Pigeon89 34
It'd just put her more in the mood if she's a belieber :(
luckyd880 12
Ya she would prob hide your face with beibers poster and fantasize that she's screwing him.
skyeyez9 25
Or Betty White posters
keepingitnasty 15
Keep them up, tell your dad the posters made you gay. thanks dad.
1crabbygirl 10
That's quite hilarious!
slushyslime 7
Tried that with my mom once told her I was gay , she didn't believe me :( . She was like ok wateva :/
Hamo 5
Poor OP having his dad ruin his sex life but trust me OP, you don't want a pregnant girlfriend
ohmandapants 17
Because having sex automatically leads to pregnancy, right?
BiGBoYWaNTsSoDa 14
Because condoms never break, right?
platypus546 24
Yup you'll get pregnant and die. Don't do it man!
ohmandapants 17
So what you guys are saying is condoms can break and lead to pregnancy. Therefore, OP shouldn't have sex with his gf. That is the dumbest shit I have ever heard. There are other methods of birth control. If everyone thought like this, no one would be having sex for fun.
thatoneguy79 10
85 - People might start having sex more responsibly though and that certainly would not be a bad thing. A few less single mothers with wondering how they are going to make ends meet and feed the 4 children they have as results of one-night stands. A few less wives learning their niece is a little closer in relation then they previously thought.
Shadowvoid 33
Where did he get these richard simmons posters so fast?
Jasonf6 0
Hahahaha. Priceless!!
meggieeee51 9
Your girlfriend should have laughed and continued :-p
jwb8711 13
I agree. He should have just manned up and said "yeah, they're mine... Now take your pants off"
KendratheUnicorn 0
Work it ladies!!
pyezer 3
Having a headache is not an excuse to not have sex, sex makes headaches go away in girls lol
rattusrattus 19
Not headaches that are induced by Richard Simmons. *shudder* *wince* *shudder*
Abbila 8
Well, Richard Simmons is awesome. I just think it would be weird having him stare at us.
florido_fml 10
Cool dad