Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend came over. My mom told him the story about the time she caught me having sex with my ex-boyfriend. My ex is his best friend. FML
Today, I found out that, for over three years, my boyfriend has solely been dating me to get closer to my mom. Apparently, "she's a total MILF." FML
Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents. We've been dating for almost 5 months and are extremely in love. His mom basically said to me, "I want what’s best for my son and you aren’t it." FML
Today, I now have been dumped by 4 serious girlfriends in the last 5 years, each of them for the same reason: Being with me would have meant dealing with my mother who, without fail, asked each of them when we planned on marrying and having kids, every single week. FML
Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that my mom paid him to date me. FML
Today, I was playing Charades with my boyfriend's family. When it was his turn, he pointed at me. His mother said "Bitch?" The answer was "relationship". FML
Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's phone titled "People's I've had sex with". There are also dates next to the notes which represented the day he had sex with them. Not only that it was NOT me who is the last person on the list, but I also realized that the last person on the list was my best friend. And he's a guy. FML
Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML
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Top comments
loveandzombies 0
Don't ask a question if you can't handle the answer....
poopooface 0
Why would you ask that in the first place? ... as if you wanted to know who the other 4 people where.
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Comments (191)
h8crewdeathr0ll 0
can i **** your mom?
fml911 0
haha i agree with 45 :P! thats funny, but dont ask if u cant handle the answer.. do we wanna no who number one was LOL .. thats kinda rude but whatever :P
red_wings 0
This has prolly been said but... 1. Don't ask things you don't know the answer to 2. Don't ask things you CAN'T handle the answers too 3. At least your mom's a MILF....which means you possible have good genes
yesbutnotyou 0
#14 FOR THE WIN!!!
earwig12 1
YDI - I wouldn't have answered a question like that seriously; you have to expect your mom to show up there. Also, #9, just because someone's significant other isn't the person they want to **** the most doesn't mean they don't want to **** them. There are, believe it or not, more than five people in the world who any given person wants to ****. All this means is that he is with his wife for (gasp!) reasons other than finding her the MOST attractive. For most people, marriage is about fitting well personality-wise with another person, not being the best sexual partner there is. If you don't inherently understand this, then I can understand #20's comments perfectly.
eaglesfan761 0
at least you were on there. lolol. that does suck to not be #1 though.
exile529 0
hahahah
rclarissa 0
What is up with this mother ******* want sex with ur mom that's just stupid FYL
buckeye91011 0
Haha at least he'll be willing to meet his mother-in-law
chilechick108 0
why would you ask something like that??