Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her, "Need a hand with that?" to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML
Today, my girlfriend text me and told me to do something sexy because she was going to FaceTime me. I eagerly dropped my pants and started stroking it to get ready for her. As soon as I opened her call, she was standing with my wife. I literally got caught with my dick in my hand. FML
Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML
Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML
Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She'd walked in on me jerking off, which she said is exactly the same as cheating on her. FML
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Top comments
burdenofaday 0
Tip for the future next time you want to go at your girl with your hands. Have her lay on her back on top of you so you can touch her much in the same way she touches herself. Yes, it's ******* hot and will probably lead places. :]
uminuscooll 0
I resent Jaywin's comment! I'm actually very good at hand jobs!! But I see where your girl is coming from! Guys are more aggressive with the whole fingering deal, it's always nice to have a ladies touch
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Comments (66)
Blind_Ninja 0
#3: I don't care how well I can jerk myself off, it will ALWAYS feel better when it's not my hand. Handjobs are especially amazing when making out. Jacking off to me is more like just trying to get a quick come; handjobs, on the other hand, are far more enjoyable. If you're getting a handjob, chances are you also have a real life visual aid for your fantasies that you can even touch! And both hands will be free to do whatever you want with them with your visual aid. It's probably different for girls, I don't see why any guy would prefer his hand to that of someone else.
twinkle_nipso_O 0
Good! I got worried my man didn't like my handjobs reading #3! He seems to enjoy it! I personally love getting some hand action from my man, he can reach places i just can't!
Ohms_fml 0
this would be funny, but this is directly out of American Pie. "Need a hand with that"
bladecx321 0
if you're going for sex, then damn that sucks. if you were just gonna finger her, then yeah that sucks too... i'd be mad if my gf said that... she never masturbates - i guess she likes me to do it for her; makes her hornier..?
twinkle_nipso_O 0
yeah right! bahahaha.... as if you believe that! We all do it sunshine, and the fact that she lied about it shows she probs doesn't trust you alot! FYL!
ladybuggirl1234 3
or she is shy about it??
graceeleandra 0
huge disssssss. girls rule
choppedNskrewed 0
ahaha lolll choppedNskrewed!
Forsythe307 0
damn dude thats pretty harsh, but some girls like to do it themselves I fingered my gf in a movie theatre lol she loved it. good luck bro
bob_bill_head 0
You're taking it too harshly
podrummer9209 0
Ugh. Dude. I'd seriously have said something about that... My ex went to take a shower once and came back in like 20 minutes... Usually takes an hour and I said 'that was quick' she replied 'just like you' and starts laughing her ass off? I usually take at least a half hour... -_- I promptly got up and left. Sometimes you just have to draw the line.
lmfp 0
i dont think she was trying to be rude. sure, theres a time and a place for her to show him what she likes, but if shes masturbating alone, shes just interested in getting off. if i was wanking and my boyfriend walked in on me, i might be annoyed too, especially if i was really close to ******. if i were to stop in order for him to join, then A) id lose the ******, and B) i would be masturbating anymore, we would be having sex. and if i wanted to have sex in the first place, thats what i would have done. so stop being all uptight about it, and let your girlfriend get herself off in peace!
podrummer9209 0
^ If you're using your hand, it's masturbating, no matter who it's on. -_- And he's not being uptight, he got a verbal bitch slap he did nothing to deserve.