Today, I was helping some friends put supplies in my crush's car for our picnic. His girlfriend cracked a joke about me, so I just sarcastically laughed and slammed the door shut. Now she has three broken fingers, and I have a reputation as a psychopath. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I accidentally sliced open my crush's hand at work while we were messing around on break. A month ago, I broke his brother's finger playing dodgeball. No wonder I'm still single; he must think I'm out to get his family. FML
Today, my best friend was walking next to her crush, so I pushed her into him gently as a joke. She ended up stepping on his foot, which caused him to fall and crack his head against the floor. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Today, after a large, dramatic fight with my girlfriend in a parking lot, we stopped arguing altogether and hugged, dropping the issue. Twenty seconds later, I accidentally slammed her hand in the car door, breaking two of her fingers. FML
Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me a "controlling, overbearing psychopath." What did I do? I found out her best friend is trying to persuade her to cheat on me and I demanded she cut her friend off. I'm better off single, I know, but it still hurts. FML
Today, while I was telling a friend she needs to be more careful about getting hurt, I dislocated and sprained my thumb. She then laughed at me and said, "Yes, I will." FML
Today, my best friend broke up with her partner. In retaliation, he got drunk and stole my car, then crashed it into a neighbour's house. Then after dealing with the police who didn't arrest him, he and my best friend made up and went to bed. FML
Today, I saw my buddy at the mechanic's on speaker with his wife. I did a very fake female voice and said, “He’s here with me! He’s my man now!” He rushed home to see all his stuff on fire on the front lawn. I had no idea how psycho she was and now he wants to kill me. FML
Today, after an argument with my girlfriend, I tried to be dramatic by slamming my car door shut as hard as I could. Something broke and now it won't open. Now I have to climb through the passenger's side just to drive my car to work. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
muhaidib 2
Wow, I think you might need to look for another crush...
skinthesnakes 6
she now has 3 reasons not to ever make a joke about you again.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (152)
muhaidib 2
Wow, I think you might need to look for another crush...
MareNostrum 0
Crushing, to say the least.
bowlingstar 1
*if
skinthesnakes 6
well i heard she had a crush on her fingers, or were they crushed fingers...
Eyeliner_fml 0
Lmfao, say it was all an accident, but if you think about it, it kind of sounds like karma to me, she cracked a joke about you and you crushed her fingers. Maybe I would of done the same.
LiveLaughFML 10
Winning? Twinning? No! #crushing
DrIDGAF 7
I no haz girlfwiend
Friaza 29
All this talking about Crushing and Crushes makes me want to go get a Krusha!
StoryOfTheYear 15
*insert witty, impressive joke about your crush on your crush getting crushed*
bhawks8188 0
How did she break her fingers???
PutItIn 8
I crush you crushing a Danimal's Crush Cup.
bhawks8188 0
How did she break her fingers?
tatababe 1
It's alright I'm sure your just the friendly neighborhood physco
eminemchick 19
at least your hands are tied behind your back...
FarSide 23
Hey... if they can't take a joke, **** 'em.
ed11 1
hala Madrid!
BlackOpsPWNR 0
'Puppy for dog' she cracked a joke, the other cracked a finger(s)
lidsthesquid 4
But slamming them in the car door by accident.... It's all there
pikapikalove 5
Maybe the OP needs to get a new school, considering their reputation as a psychopath...
pugpuggy 21
#73 The magical unicorn crushed them.
bowlingstar 1
Am I the only one confused by this?
bowlingstar 1
Oh well that's nice, it was just a question
bowlingstar 1
Well someone's grumpy today
bowlingstar 1
Uhh yeah I got that, I was wondering of they were going on a group picnic or what.
Nooneslooking 0
At least you don't have a rep for smelling curiously (Y)
bball234 6
that is definitely the wrong way to bring in another fml.
xlord 27
Just don't break into your crushes toilet screaming abiout gerbils and you should be fine
TheresNoEffingwa 7
...And that,^^ is how you do it.
hahahahepicfail 0
Lmfao this made me laugh xD
ScaughtieHolden 11
3, that's a thumbs up right? Because I've always thought it was a ******.
satanic_fml 13
are you sure it was just a joke?
borkchop1992 15
he might have a finger fetish that will cause him to leave her and find someone else with sexy hands, that person hopefully being you
carolinabreathin 0
This is so confusing..anyone else think so? O.O
bowlingstar 1
Lol yes
borkchop1992 15
what could you be confused about?
bowlingstar 1
When someone asks a question is everyone's first instinct to mock them?!?! There are probably tons of people confused and when people explain it can actually help people. Thanks for being so understanding.
bowlingstar 1
Woah, CTFD
kelsey_katie 17
That kinda sucks for the girlfriend. She deserved it though!! I would probably do something like that if I wasn't paying attention.
kelsey_katie 17
Aww crap. It wasn't suppsosed to be meant like that... I guess what I was trying to say is that she(the girlfriend) needs to watch what she says of karma(slamming the door) is gonna bite her in the ass(broken fingers)
xleanne_aLly 23
I agree completely with the previous comment.
wishfulmidget 0
no i completely agree. she deserved broken fingers:P
Ninelives_fml 3
@10 Maybe the reason she was cracking jokes was because there's this girl who can't seem understand that this guy she hanging around with? He has a girlfriend and needs to back off. I love how all you people are saying the girl deserved the broken fingers? How did you know that OP wasn't being a bitch and trying to flirt with another girl's boyfriend? And no, even if she wasn't, why are you all celebrating over someone's broken fingers? So it's an accident. Why the hell are you guys enjoying the thought of a girl breaking her fingers? You don't know her. You don't know the circumstances. The only bitchiness I see is all of you, ENJOYING the fact someone got hurt. That sad thing is that this girl hasn't done anything to any of you. Unfucking believable. Thumb me down if you want, but damn it. This is just cruel, laughing over something like this. Have you ever thought that maybe the girl might get a permanent injury? That she might not hold a pencil ever again without hurting? But I suppose none of you really care. In your minds, she is already an enemy to be humiliated.
ItsJustMe1616 26
Why? This girl is crushing on someone else's boyfriend. That girl probably cracked a joke because OP was being a bitch and flirting with her boyfriend....
Sinsation 7
Haha, you are awesome.
CabooseWins 0
OP should be proud. That'll teach the bitch to make jokes.
briannaahhhh 0
haha i totally agree! u sure it was a accident?
iflytacos96 0
Its called a phsosiopath. It sounds like that but its not spellde that way
MareNostrum 0
Are you confusing psychopath with sociopath?
mudkipsan 19
I think they are confusing their keyboard with a drum set
ragzy 7
Haha 38, best put down I've seen yet to dodgy spelling!
brohamas16 7
well not to be a dick but you spelled (spelled) wrong
annafii 7
It sounds like that? Fuh-SO-see-o-path? Interesting...
Omgpwned1234 0
Why is there a 6 year old on FML anyway?
sweetbabysweet93 10
Wow your a jerk and illiterate
johobus28 26
You're*. I see you're quite literate yourself.
WCARlover 35
Haha this sounds like it could be the beginning of a sequel to "Anger Management" haha
kelsey_katie 17
Hahaha!