Miss 31 years-old In a relationship
Today, at work, I brewed myself a fresh cup of coffee. I set the hot coffee onto my desk. My phone rang so I answered my coffee, spilling it all over my face and body. FML
Today, I realized that my new haircut makes me look like a movie star. Not Scarlett Johansson, no. I look like Lord Farquaad. FML
Today, a guy asked me for my number. Now I deeply regret giving it to him, because he won't stop sending me Bible quotes and pictures of Jesus. FML
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
Today, my little cousin was helping me wash my car. After scrubbing all the dirt, I gave him the hose and said, "Okay, now rinse off this disgusting thing." He turned the hose on me. FML
Today, I went indoor rock climbing. After finally making it to the top, my pants ripped on my last move. I wasn't wearing any underwear. FML
Today, I backed into an expensive SUV only minutes after my boss congratulated me for being the only employee to not wreck a company car. FML
Today, I dropped a butcher's knife on my knuckle. Five stitches later, I can't even wipe my own butt. FML
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