Today, my girlfriend of over a year woke me up at 4:30 in the morning by sticking her hand down my pants. She immediately stopped when I was awake enough to reciprocate and said, "I couldn't sleep. I was bored. Talk to me." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend woke me at 5am, just to say how great it was that I could still sleep two more hours before leaving for work. FML
Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years called me over late at night. I got excited, assuming she finally wanted sex. No, she just wanted me to make her mac and cheese and talk to her because she was ‘restless’. FML
Today, my girlfriend begged me to stay up late and video chat with her because she missed me. Even though I work early mornings, I reluctantly agreed. After waiting up until 2am for her to get online, I gave up. She had fallen asleep. FML
Today, I recently started seeing a girl and I slept over at her house for the first time. Apparently, I still talk in my sleep. This morning she told me I whispered, "I love you so much." FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, after a long 16 hour shift, I was milliseconds from sleep when my girlfriend said she "wants to talk". I'm now writing this from the couch. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML
Today, my girlfriend revealed that last night she decided to 'test how asleep I was' by putting her finger up my nose as far as she could. Then in my mouth. Then in my ear. Then back in my mouth. I slept through the whole thing. FML
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Top comments
pjsr 33
That type of stuff, for me, would be a dealbreaker. When someone uses sex to manipulate or yank your chain, that's just not right.
BiGTiMeNeRD 29
If I had to guess, I'd say you guys talked about the subject of blue balls.
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Comments (26)
possomman 10
Is that a bad thing?
NavEntity 12
Where's the problem...?
LyricaSilvan 30
If you don't get it, you never will.
BiGTiMeNeRD 29
If I had to guess, I'd say you guys talked about the subject of blue balls.
Allornone 35
so talk. just talk seductively (or dirty) and bring the mood right back around again.
RichardPencil 32
If you talk well enough, you'll get back to the hands in the pants thing soon!
pjsr 33
That type of stuff, for me, would be a dealbreaker. When someone uses sex to manipulate or yank your chain, that's just not right.
ipodtouchgirl 21
I don't like people touching me without my permission and even if we were married I'd divorce my partner if they pulled shit like this
worldclassrager 41
Early riser...but still that seems excessive to wake you up
moondoglou420 17
Tell her you're not awake enough yet :P
blupenguin29 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That just shows she feels super close to you and trusts you.
rodfergie 18
Rookie move. Don't move.... enjoy.