Today, for the second day in a row, I got to hear both of my roommates having sex, through two closed doors and a hallway. This is as I hit my thirtieth month of involuntary celibacy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML
Today, after months of patiently waiting, I finally got my roommates out of the house for the night so I could have sex with my boyfriend for the first time without being interrupted. He couldn't get it up. FML
Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel I'm employed at. After checking in a young couple to the room above the main office, I was forced to listen to them having it off for most of the night, serving a very loud reminder that I've been single for five years. FML
Today, I had to have an awkward conversation with my parents when they told me they were able to hear me and my boyfriend having sex at night. FML
Today, I heard my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't in the same hotel room. They thought I was asleep. FML
Today, I walked in on my parents having sex. In my room. FML
Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML
Today, I learned that my apartment's walls are thin enough for my neighbors to hear my vibrator. I've lived in this apartment for three years. I've been single and horny for all of them. FML
Today, I was awoken by the sound of my dorm roommate having sex three feet from me. He was sober, knew I was there, and has a deployed military girlfriend. FML
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Top comments
theslimshadylp 6
30 months?!? You need to get laid PRONTO!
redmane 21
Don't do what 1 said to do. Get back at them by standing outside their door, loudly making the same noises they are.
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Comments (136)
jarockstar27 10
How is celibacy involuntary?
apndi 9
...When no one wants to have sex with you. Duh.
KaiserSD 8
Maybe clean yourself up and try NOT being celibate? You can always go promiscuous.
brooks10101 1
Its called hookers there there for a reason.
TurquoiseJesus 15
OP, it really is a simple solution to your problem. First, slide a tube under their door. Attach one end of tube to a tank of some sort of knock out gas (your choice). Then, the give is yours: do you take the left, unconscious body, or the right one? Pick one, and do your stuff. Don't forget to wash your hands after dumping the bodies in a neighbors room.
TurquoiseJesus 15
*the choice, not the give.
skyfire21 3
Wow... Loud enough are they??
Sour_Diesel 13
Use Craigslist if you're just looking for a night of fun! It works wonders. There's people out there that will do just about anyone
redmane 21
There's also people out there that will kill just about anyone.
bstudds 1
hopefully by roommates you don't mean your parents and you don't sleep in a car bed. sorry I thought of grandma's boy...
Hasmo 0
Just join them
mrsmaglietta 6
at least you don't have a baby's mama or STD
sportstar691 12
Well that really sucks. My number is ..................... lol