Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML
Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML
Today, I've had such bad constipation during my fourth pregnancy that I have now had to manually scoop the poop out of my ass to get things moving again. FML
Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML
Today, I had no choice but to unclog a toilet with my bare hands. FML
Today, my granny has been constipated for the past two days. She is too weak to get out of bed, so I ended up trying to dig the poop out of her butthole with a spoon. Yay me. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML
Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being bedridden due to my knee surgery. I had diarrhea and because I can't properly bend my knee, I can't wipe my butt. FML
Today, my friend was extremely constipated when he used my toilet. I'm now having to go buy a new toothbrush, because he used mine to dig out his shit. FML
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Top comments
TMramrod 15
That's enough internet for today.
YBae 27
I guess using laxatives with your medication isn't recommended...?
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Comments (111)
beeferjay 34
that is jacked up jack.
roxxyfoxxy3 25
Sounds like a shitty situation....
gracehi 33
BOOOOOOOOO!!!! *Throws tomato at you*
julako 22
Even that trend of humour will have a renaissance, no matter with what you throw. better eat your tomatoes I suggest!
RabbitOfAurora 28
Except the problem is that they can't shit... You really need to think things over before posting #14
J_Kertz 14
NO. GOD. NO. NO PLEASE GOD NO. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
allplayedout 20
Most over the counter laxatives are just >400mg doses of magnesium, if you have any of that and haven't been warned off by your doctor for whatever reason. Magnesium citrate is one of the easiest to digest and combined with lots of water does really help--maybe not cure, but help.
homtravel 10
No matter how bad the constipation, I wouldn't resort to rubber gloving and digging out my ass. There must be better alternatives !
dafluckster 6
Serious case of TMI here, but being a nurse I can handle it. I wouldn't recommend digging out your own crap. I'm not sure what med you're taking, so check for interactions, but try some milk of magnesia, or maybe miralax. Or get a prescription for senna or colace - or a combo. Lots of fluids and exercise help keep you moving too, and get plenty of fiber in your diet!
rec_chem 22
It's less gross to just take a laxative.
PsychicBulwark 4
And also harms your body's absorption of nutrients and worsens GI tract musculature. Colostomy bags are even more gross. This is why you don't let people make their own medical decisions. They wind up making shit worse. Literally.
S_Gnu 17
Why is the sensible response getting downvoted, jesus ****
PsychicBulwark 4
It's your body and dealing with it isn't so bad. Imagine if it wasn't medication related and you had to do it all the time! Source: nurse, who digs crap out of other people's butts
lishabear 21
Other people's butts?? I am so sorry. :(
Shuff52 21
So a doctor said the medication you took would make you constipated and You have to hand scoop your ass? You might need a new doctor...I think I'd rather die from any ailment then hand scoop my ass.
writerchic85 26
I just imagined going down to baskin Robbins for Hand scooped ass now
guther_unicorn 15
A tablespoon of oil helps if you can't go to the toilet
ahomelessmario 9
Have a few sugar free gummy bears, about 7 or so, it will be unpleasant but it should help...
oceaneyes213 21
Oh God, no. Those things are small, colourful demons. I found out that I accidentally got the sugar free ones instead of regular ones once. It was awful.
KaidensCrow 18
Lmao, then he would be glued to the toilet