Today, my friend was extremely constipated when he used my toilet. I'm now having to go buy a new toothbrush, because he used mine to dig out his shit. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML
Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML
Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML
Today, my girlfriend was visiting, and while in the bathroom, she clogged the toilet. Since there was no plunger in the room, she unclogged it with the only thing she could find: my mother's hairbrush. FML
Today, I found out my roommate had mistaken my toothbrush for his dog's. So for the last month he's been using my toothbrush on his dog. The dog's favorite meal? Fresh cat poop. FML
Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML
Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML
Today, I realized that my roommate has been using my loofah to clean our toilet. I've been cleaning myself with the shit of four college boys for the last six months. FML
Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
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Top comments
King K 2
That’s not a friend...
Inkoseh 33
Wait, you don't have a poop knife?
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Comments (18)
King K 2
That’s not a friend...
hereforfmls 17
a real friend would say hey dont use your tooth brush I gotta get you one
cardin06 15
What??? How??? Why???
Inkoseh 33
Wait, you don't have a poop knife?
HokieJ 10
I think you're thinking about the wrong hole
Major_Haywire 7
I don’t think he was digging it out of the toilet, it hadn’t reached that far
Inkoseh 33
Well, anything can be a digger if you're brave enough!
Mar Zammit 4
What a shitty situation, and I mean it literally xD. You should have made him buy you the new toothbrush real friends do not dig shit with their tooth brush.
LostSoul 20
Dump the friend. If you don't, anything that happens next is on you.
RichardPencil 32
With friends like that, who needs enemas? Thank you very much! Good night!
slowhandjp 18
Which side did he use?
Maureen Preston 2
That must of hurt like hell no ditch he’s ass
Lily_Rain77 25
I don't think you know what a "friend" is...
spillmybeans1 5
I hope you didn't find out the hard way. I hope you found out by him telling you.