Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being bedridden due to my knee surgery. I had diarrhea and because I can't properly bend my knee, I can't wipe my butt. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML
Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML
Today, I was using a disabled toilet. I'm disabled partly because of spinal problems. While I was doing my business, the whole toilet fell to the floor, leaving me sitting in a puddle of my own urine and smashed porcelain, with even more spinal problems. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I have such poor joints that I dislocated my hip trying to twist to wipe my own ass. FML
Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML
Today, I stayed home from work because I'd had diarrhea for 24 hours and my gut felt horrible. I decided to at least enjoy some sun on my back porch in my swing chair. I stepped on an old board and my leg fell through to the knee, I couldn't move, and I was home alone. My neighbor cut the board that got me out. FML
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Top comments
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Do you wipe your ass with your feet then? I usually use my hands, so I don't see why I'd need to bend my legs, but FYL anyway.
marleyvk 0
I don't see how you couldn't wipe your behind without bending your knee... I'm pretty sure if you just stand up and spread your legs you could do it.
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Comments (161)
TanyaTwoTits 0
That's shitty :(
towelyey 0
hahaha. shitty cuz his ass is all shitty
Hockeyboy4280 18
Thank you, Captain Obvious.
mintcar 10
HAHAHAHA. I can't believe he explained it. Hahaha.
mintcar 10
HAHAHAHA. I can't believe he explained it. Hahaha.
TanyaTwoTits 0
Wow... That wasn't even necessary.
JonaDona 2
.....i dont get it..
ily1210 10
oh i've never heard that pun before
iBanana 17
^^^^^
kruzito 0
if you have a dog, it can lick it off
MichaelGood 0
^^^ hahaha! wow best comments :)
tdog_ossim 0
is it just me... i dont bend my knees when i wipe my ass... im standing normally
MarioandSonic 8
thank you Sargent Sarcasm
ScaughtieHolden 11
106 Maybe op is fat. 90% they're sitting though.
ladlesman 0
why didnt i think of that : /
sugarycupcake 0
way to point out he obvious!
jaystreet46 4
I see what you did there. Clever girl.
marleyvk 0
I don't see how you couldn't wipe your behind without bending your knee... I'm pretty sure if you just stand up and spread your legs you could do it.
EmoGiana 0
Well, I don't recommend sticking your hand in shit*er, so it isn't gonna be that easy to wipe.
ShadowPunkChick 1
All the OP needs to do is hold on to the counter, sink, back of the toilet or whatever to stand up with the good leg, use one hand to balance against whatever he/she used to stand up and the other to wipe..its not that hard.
bachooka 5
way to ruin OP's dreams of finally having a valid excuse to not wipe when they took a shit...
Driveshaft 5
I had full a knee replacement, and I was still able to wipe my own ass.
itsbryn 0
99. TKR at how old? did you get in an accident? and OP. it's tough. but doable
PancakesEqualLov 0
ahahahahaha. i actually laughed at this comment. you are a win.
Driveshaft 5
prior military, main reason it's prior now.
wikkedphuka 0
somebody is an expert lmaoo sick lol
usnwife 18
I had a total ACL reconstruction, on crutches for a couple months with knee in an immobilizer brace, and never had a single problem with wiping my ass... If this is real, OP is either incredibly stupid or incredibly lazy. Or both...
BDanzeisen 20
I've Tore my mcl I know what he's talking about
Okamichu 21
Unless you have had knee surgery you won't understand, I have knee surgery last year and I couldn't wipe properly either when I could finally move. Try sitting down with your leg straight out and don't bend it and try and wipe, good luck.
skittlez12345678_fml 0
thatz sound like a shitty time lol happy shit
Doortje 30
You'll have to live with a crusty asshole from now on D: That is until you can bend you knee again of course.
kittykat1497 7
"crusty asshole" made my night lmfao
amsftw 0
#3, you're an idiot and that wasn't funny. I wasted ten seconds of my life reading that. fml
ash14 0
Oh wow it took you 10 seconds to read that? FYL #6...
Justine94_x 31
It took you 10 seconds to read that?
iiTzPokemon 4
How long to write the comment ?
charli_lake 0
shut up it could have been that bad since your had to put a reply on it so quit trying to act like a hard ass
amsftw 0
wow, I was kidding so calm down everyone it didn't take me like ten seconds it took like two.
Thanatos1206 0
It took you like two seconds to read that?!
Sticxz 0
wow if u wasted *2 seconds to read it and its a waste of ur "precious" life why are you wasting even more time writing shitty ass comments you douche
OregonJeff 3
Yeah, definitely FHL! (I typed this reply slower so she could still read it -- LOL)
Twisted107 4
your gonna be a while
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Do you wipe your ass with your feet then? I usually use my hands, so I don't see why I'd need to bend my legs, but FYL anyway.
EmoGiana 0
Ummmm... You don't seem like a very cleanly person.. More like a hobo who stalks little children and throws his poo at passing cars.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Hey, don't knock it 'til you try it!
Norwegian_Wood 4
Yeeah, I dunno about you guys, but I use this really awesome stuff called "toilet paper" to wipe with. :-O Hahaha. But logistically I don't see how not being about to bend one knee would mean you couldn't wipe. Just shift to your good side... if it was both, then I could see, but only one? Doesn't make sense...
MrConned 0
You're a good troll I always laugh a little at your posts, lol.
EmoGiana 0
He be trollin' as he stalks little children and throws poo at cars XD. It's still really gross to know that people may actually do that.
urdirtyolduncle 15
he's actually one of the few users here whose comments I enjoy reading!
mintcar 10
Go wash yourself in the tub? FYL.
elephantgirl 0
i know how you feel. I had knee surgery like 3 weeks ago
vbmg152 19
If you can't bend your knee, how did you sit on the toilet?
briidontgive_ 0
Exactlyy^ . And If anythinn , have someone wipe it for you , better than havin shit sliding between ur asscheeks all day
TanyaTwoTits 0
He/she could have just slowly "fallen back" onto the toilet by bracing against the wall or sink or tub, keeping their leg outstretched. How they get up from the toilet though, well... they're ****** twice.
all4pooh 4
He or she still has one good knee to bend with while keeping the other leg straightened out
tahvoh 3
o
wikkedphuka 0
heyyyy im not trying to startle u but is there a shadow of a man in the pic with u to the left?????? like a ghostvu dnt see it?
linarahmany 6
exactly what I was thinking mabey he didn't use a toilet
BDanzeisen 20
You bend one and keep the other straight