Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML
Today, I was constipated and so desperate to go that I ate an entire box of laxatives. Now I'm in the hospital on a saline drip for dehydration and malnutrition, in addition to getting a massive enema and having the most agonizing shit of my life. FML
Today, I'm a week into a prescription of extremely constipating antibiotics. I also just caught the stomach bug going around at work that causes aggressive diarrhea. The two combined mean I have a constant, slow-moving stream of thick, foul-smelling sludge coming out of me. FML
Today, I realized that the medication I take because of bowel issues only works for about 6 hours. After that, it's one run to the toilet after another. The problem is that I can only take it twice a day. FML
Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML
Today, and for the last six months, I've been on a medication that greatly improves the main symptoms of my chronic illness. Too bad it also gives me chronic diarrhea. I feel much better and can function better than I have since my teens, but I haven't taken a solid dump in half a year. FML
Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation. I have to share a room with two other girls who are also having bowel problems. We're all on strong laxatives, and there's apparently only one bathroom in this place. FML
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML
Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML
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Top comments
Quest_ 13
Obtain laxatives.
Br00talsex 0
atleast when you tell people you shit brix, you're telling the truth.
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Comments (64)
Br00talsex 0
atleast when you tell people you shit brix, you're telling the truth.
MonkeyBusiness_fml 3
Got milk?
mamamiaaa_fml 12
squirt some lube up there maybe it'll help.
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
use your fingers. get em in there deep.
jewban 3
26 do I hear a new 2 girls 1 cup approaching? lol
TurboTalon 0
Build a house?
11wanda11 6
Epsom salts, ever heard of the saying " went through like a dose of salts" I did it on the weekend... wow....
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
#48 dont lie collingwood supporters can't afford Epsom salts lol
11wanda11 6
got them from mum lmao
TheNeonDuckie 0
OP maybe you'll have enough bricks to build an outhouse to keep from stinking up your bathroom every-time you get constipated! :D
bamagrl410 31
Cue "shitty situation" jokes...
docscientist 10
That's a crappy shituation.
MonkeyBusiness_fml 3
Do girls poop?
takeapieandrun 9
No.
MonkeyBusiness_fml 3
Tnx. Good to know.
mamamiaaa_fml 12
what a fecal situation. ahem.
rgermain 0
Christ, keep this shit to yourself.
squirell_AIDS69 0
Well would you rather shit bricks or razor blades?
schwancy 2
I choose brick-shaped razor blades.
foreverspellman 0
I choose razor shaped brick blades. and you know what they say... when you shit bricks, build a house. i've done it.
samicna 4
water! ever drink it? it helps!
Allstarr23 1
Are you a retard? If you were having this problem for three days and are complaining abt not havinf laxatives or softeners, get off your ass and buy some. YDI
Quest_ 13
Obtain laxatives.
squirell_AIDS69 0
Agreed. Can't imagine it's impossible to go to a store or pharmacy to get something.
ImaginaryFoe 1
This. Three days, OP? YDI! You've had plenty of time to get all the things you complained about not having. You could've ordered them online and had them delivered in that time span.
waswashere 0
but then They couldn't complain on here
11wanda11 6
laxitives don't soften stool, they just spin your stomach out and make you want to shit. no fun if ther is a brick blocking the path :-)
poplmon 0
39 ORRRRR maybe OP has less money then you and can't afford laxatives? Grow up. FYL OP.
alaaloo_fml_fml 0
Buy laxatives. Done.
DuyLe 0
Sorry, I'm not really good English. what is laxative? and don't tell me to search it up either, last time I do cause a friend told me to I got some disturbing images :(
DDPT2 4
66, Makes you want to poop.
Mauskau 36
It's very uncomfortable to move when constipated, I spent a week on the toilet(not literally) before my mum got me anything. :(
papazhu 0
impossible, girls don't poop everyone knows that!
yewzd 0
Yeah. they can only queef.
null_fml 11
You looked at one of those "when you see it" memes on the internet, didn't you? Can't say they didn't warn you.
gregomania_fml 0
when I was a toddler I chucked a brick down the loo, needles to say it smashed it. you must be getting good at replacing loo's.
alaaloo_fml_fml 0
Hahaha very clever.
lydever91 0
go buy some for like $2. It'll save you Hell. btw, YDI for not thinking of it