Today, before my date came to pick me up, I put tissues under my arms so I wouldn't leave wet marks. I forgot to remove them, and when we got physical, they fell out, looking like I'd stuffed my bra. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a performance. I have to go bra-less to wear my gown and I didn't want any peek-a-boos. I asked my boyfriend to bring "large band-aids" without telling him why I needed them. He brought waterproof, top-notch tough ones. They're still stuck to me, and are not coming off anytime soon. FML
Today, while at work, I used the restroom. After I noticed we were out of paper towels, I just tried shaking my hands dry. I then readjusted my bra, since it'd been driving me crazy all day. After getting back to my cubicle, I realized that I had two wet handprints over my boobs. FML
Today, I rushed out of the bathroom with toothpaste smeared all over my chin and cheek. I was so anxious about going on a date that I didn’t realize this until said date pointed it out halfway through dinner. FML
Today, I was on a date, and I went to put my arm around her, trying to be romantic, but my coordination went straight to hell. Instead of her shoulder, I ended up accidentally grabbing her tit. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML
Today, I had sex with my fiancée. My panties fell behind the bed. Later, when I went to get them, I found three other pairs. Only one pair was mine. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my amazing boyfriend. As we were getting dressed, I realized I had lost my bra. After intense searching I finally found it and put it on. It wasn't mine. FML
Today, while out at dinner with my boyfriend, I accidentally ripped out my tampon picking a wedgie. FML
Today, while brushing my teeth before a date, I sneezed so hard that toothpaste flew all over my clean shirt. I was already running late, so I panicked and tried to wipe it off with water. It left huge wet spots. I showed up looking like I had just lost a fight with a giant toothbrush. FML
Today, while I was at work, I didn't have any panty liners so I used tissue. I was taking orders when I suddenly felt the tissue trailing down my leg. I tried not to move, but it inevitably fell through my pants onto the floor in front of my co-workers. I swiftly put it into my pocket. Luckily, it had nothing on it. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
awuh_man 0
that's not cool. to any of the posters above me. I see where she's coming from, I have over active sweat glands, and when I get nervous, I sweat a lot. it sucks having to pick clothes based on how much sweat will show. and I've tried everything, prescription deodorant, sweat pads, so don't be so rude and inconsiderate.
babybubz 0
#18.. she probably DOES wear deodorant/antiperspirant as well.. but she might still sweat through that. SO.. she puts tissue under her pits to soak up any sweat she produces before she goes out... so she's not already sweaty when she leaves. just because she does that with the tissue doesn't mean she doesn't wear any deodorant you know.. geeeeeez.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (121)
Jimboom 12
You could have saved it by saying "Ohh, that wine has gone straight to my head. I'm just 2 sheets to the wind right now"
trizzieb 0
Fail.
Stueyy 0
probably for the best, he wouldn't want a girl that sweats that much anyways.
yeezuschrist420 11
What a jackass thing to say
bubuchi3 0
how could u not have felt the tissues in there, though?! unless ur sweat dissolved it all, but then they fell out so i guess that didn't happen.
AnRom 0
well I'd rather have him think that then what the tissue actually was for
purplemnm 9
let's get physical, physical. let's get physical!
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
I love when my dates get physical, too. I normally make sure to take my date to the top of a long set of stairs, scream, "Why doesn't mommy love me anymore?" and push her down those stairs. For an added bonus, I sometimes bring a Slinky to see if it can make it to the bottom of the stairs faster than my falling date.
trizzieb 0
That was an accident!!!
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
well, that's not what she said, although she didn't tell me that until after she recovered from her coma...
revcanon 0
Ever hear of anti-perspirant?
perdix 31
Thank you, revcanon, I'm getting a bit annoyed at all of the people who mentioned deodorant because that just covers up the smells related to sweat -- it does nothing to stop or reduce profuse sweating. You finally suggested the correct product to the OP, most of which are combined with deodorants although there might be some unscented anti-perspirants. Now I can stop grinding my teeth and think of funny comments (funny to me, at least.)
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
you know who else needed a good antiperspirant. if you know what I mean...
perdix 31
No, I dont. Do you mean me? How did you find out about my Schwedde Balls? Those socks were in there to keep them dry and for not other reason!
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
Well, I understand the use of socks, regardless your reason for using them. I tend to stuff my dead cat with socks for "warming purposes," as well.
BlueBomber 0
Oh, I got my wife a pair of Scwedde Balls for our wedding presents to eachother. Of course it was a busy day and she didn't get to try them out until that night. She's gotten quite adept at handling them, as you can imagine. They keep her hands arthritis-free and massage all the pressure points in her palms. Honestly, it just makes me so happy to watch her play with those Scwedde Balls. Probably the most selfless gift I've ever given.
alexisthename 0
I love the taste of Schweddy balls, but I hate that they're often too big to fit in my mouth.
perdix 31
The way to handle that is to lick them a lot until the cream filling is released. At that point, they shrink down to a managable size and you can really chomp down on them!
holly_fly 34
Antiperspirant doesn't always work though... I have this problem and it is the most embarrassing thing. But, not even clinical strength antiperspirant can stop it sometimes. ESPECIALLY when nervous.
letmeinplease 0
If your boobs look the same out of your top as well as in I fail to see the problem. He'd notice if your boobs looked smaller. Believe me, he'll have been looking.
balzacthegreat 0
Sexy AND classy. You sure know how to turn a guy on!
darkmis1 18
This one was posted a couple months ago.
goomonk 2
Thanks for pointing that out?
sherripie 0
Try Certain-Dri (walmart, CVS, etc.) or you can get a script from your doc for Drysol. Put it on before bed and no unusual sweating during the day. Works wonders b/c I have the same issue.