Today, while on my honeymoon with my new wife, I tried to be romantic by installing a clapper to the lights in our room. As things progressed, the noise of our love making triggered the lights on and off repeatedly. She began to laugh and we ended up just calling it an early night. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The lights kept on going on and off. Why? The lights are activated by "clap on, clap off." It killed the mood. FML
Today, I decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents. I began to tell her all the nasty things I was going to do to her in bed. Halfway through my fantasy, she giggled and told me that she was going to take me off speakerphone. FML
Today, my husband and I were having sex. It was stormy outside, and when lightning flashed through the window, he screamed like a little girl and scrambled off the bed. FML
Today, I was trying to give my girlfriend an orgasm as she was lying on her back. I asked her, "How do you like that, baby?" She responded by asking where I bought my suspended ceiling and spotlights, as she thought they would look good in her flat. She apparently got bored instead of turned on. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
Today, while fingering my girlfriend in the dark, I tried to be sexy and licked my fingers. After we turned the lights back on, we realized that her period had come early. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML
Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML
Today, my wife and I got frisky in the living room, completely forgetting we recently gave our adult daughter access to our home security cameras for safety reasons. The cameras didn’t see anything but she now keeps making fun of my orgasm noises, which apparently she found hilarious. FML
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Top comments
flirtyfaery 7
at least she has a sense of humour
Doortje 30
This is the story you'll later tell your grandchildr-- wait, you have to actually have sex in order to ever have grandchildren.
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Comments (94)
flirtyfaery 7
at least she has a sense of humour
MizzErikaHart 8
what happened to ur old wife?
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
I guess that wasn't such a bright idea after all! But I gotta hand it to ya, it was a nice thought! Tell her how she's the light of your life, and how you love being with her, rain or shine(; At the very least you might get flashed!
kenny696 0
I applaud you.
dudeitsdanny 10
#9- I don't know it the "flashed" pun was intentional, but it was my favorite. And I ammmm curious as to what was going on during the sex to make that happen. Was it your balls against her ass/thighs/...chin? Spanking? Paddling? Whipping? Slapping? Granny boobs flapping up and down? That last one was a nasty mental image.. Oh god. I truly am curious as to what was making that clapping noise.
Autoshot 9
The Clapper should know that when it hears ball-slapping going on it should switch into strobe mode.
iSitt 0
time for the op to install The Fapper.
RedPillSucks 33
^^ BWAHHH HAHAHAHAHA You can Fap ON, but you can never Fap OFF
krazeeguy 0
the most amazing conversations start here on FML.
xDexterMorganx 0
Sounds like a keeper.
HolylCow 0
9 are you gay?
taff_fml 1
7. new wife= just married not as in "newer" wife"
deliciouscake 3
your life sucks. life? talk to me about life.
ColetteL 4
27=win
insanesna1l 0
haha, "bright" idea!
LchTessMnstr 3
Best.Honeymoon.Ever.
hahaLexinater 0
LMAO
jake040 3
true, but total fail lol
jake040 3
true, but total fail lol
zinkcalls 0
tell her she's the light of you life, but when things get rough, she will be gone in a clap
Colonel_256 0
That is amazing. I want to try that
EffinToofer 3
Imma be clapping all night in this bitch!
KB_Duzit 0
weezy
gk306 0
breezy
Cartera 10
lemon queezy motha fucka
Freeze_fml 17
Sounds kinky.
Asstastic4 0
i like ur pic lolz
MuchDance90s 0
it was likely intentional, captain obvious
thejacl 0
yeah... real obvious
lizzyfizzy 0
Hah that's priceless!!
unidentified_sta 5
Sounds actually memorable and funny, not that bad really...
GTmustang07 0
no sex on their honeymoon is actually pretty bad..don't you think?
Doortje 30
This is the story you'll later tell your grandchildr-- wait, you have to actually have sex in order to ever have grandchildren.
naximus93 0
Man, I wish MY grandparents had awesome bedtime stories such as that one!
NuyoRicanGirl 3
love making is sex so even if it was a few minutes they could have kids you know :-/
thrAsHeRr9081 16
Not if he didn't finish, which by the sounds of it, he didn't.
NuyoRicanGirl 3
we will never know but the main thing I wanted #6 to know is that making love is sex :-/
Doortje 30
Omg, are you for real? -_-'
NuyoRicanGirl 3
LMAO go ahead try it and let me know if it is =p
Shinygirlnz 1
I had no idea a clapper was considered romantic! I'm guessing this couple are into spanking to be making the required sounds for clapper activation... either that or a couple of slappers.
funktown 2
haha that's so awesome. I don't know why my sick mind has never caught that
GotALife 11
You did something wrong than.
green_eyes124 0
You did something wrong when you typed "than" instead of "then".
FerrariCake 2
How is a clapper romantic?