Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was expecting a call from my friend. The phone rang and I answered with "WANK!!" as a joke. It wasn't my friend on the phone, it was my boss. FML
Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML
Today, while sitting on the toilet, my phone pocket dialed my boss's cell. He was in the next stall. He answered. FML
Today, my boss asked to use my phone since the company pays for it. A few hours later the same boss called me into his office to fire me. Apparently the company checks the phone records and found a call made on my cell to a sex line. My boss made that call and just fired me. FML
Today, at work, my phone rang. My intern answered it and told me it was a coworker who'd just left. I picked up and said "What's up bitch? What are you going to complain about now?!" It was actually my boss. FML
Today, while working at my dead-end call centre job that couldn't get any worse, I answered a call from a customer who was having loud sex. I still needed to sound professional and tell her when a product was released. FML
Today, my boss rang me for the 5th time on my day off. Frustrated I pushed 'ignore' and yelled a string of obscenities at my phone. Turns out I pushed 'talk'. FML
Today, my long-distance girlfriend drunk dialed me and told me she was horny. Surprised, I exclaimed, "You're horny?" without realizing my boss was right next to me. FML
Today, I was working by myself at a retail store and I was bored so I called my boyfriend. I woke him up and he was feeling frisky, and as things were getting heated, I started to moan and say dirty things… Until the entire rack of clothes fell over and revealed my boss hiding. He had a boner. FML
Today, while lifeguarding, I received six prank phone calls on the official pool phone. When it rang again, I picked it up, told them to go fuck themselves, hung up, and then left the phone off the hook. A second later, my cellphone rang. It was my boss, telling me to get a sense of humor. FML
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Top comments
Ilikeurfmls 13
Or you could've said "you squeeze it we freeze it".
zojieeu 6
You are screwed :D
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Comments (170)
Holyloki 2
You spelt "ex-boss" wrong.
Shrike 24
She doesn't even know the difference between "your" and "you're", or doesn't care. I'd say looks are the only things getting her through life, if that's even really her.
citymayer 7
Former boss sounds better. More professional.
Sugah_Shane1 2
You spelled "spelled" wrong lol
reddudeover 2
ACTUALLY both spelled and spelt are acceptable. I prefer spelled but that's my own bias.
immaMonsta 8
Why would you even take a dare like that at work? That's really unprofessional. YDI.
lenamartinovic 13
Who says OP was at work?
whogivesafuck88 10
Op did. Hence the "today AT WORK" at the beginning........
MrChaos19 14
49- Are you ******* kidding me?!? Read the FML again and you'll see it starts with "Today, at work,..." meaning the OP was at work when this happened.
Axipiter 24
She was too busy making kissy faces at her camera, she couldn't read clearly.
kissandcontrol01 20
Just tell your boss you got the phone greeting confused with your last job ????
geerod22 5
That idea would work perfectly, until of course the boss had the sense to look at her résumé.
chowE_fml 4
Nice. Good luck in all of your future endeavours OP
muse13 0
coulda also said, "sperm bank shoot"
JoHan55_fml 7
That would have been funnier if you knew how to use a comma...
Laby_fml 9
What ever happened to caller id? Needless to say you probably don't have a job anymore?
florencesummer 0
Rubbing it the wrong way with your boss sir. Im just saying...
missathegirlwond 19
What idiot does something like that AT WORK? YDI- and maybe someone who appreciates having a job enough to act like an adult can take your spot.
GaleIsHawt 5
Better start looking for a new job! But who would do something like that?! idiot.
isaiaah 6
Hang up real quick