Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was expecting a call from my friend. The phone rang and I answered with "WANK!!" as a joke. It wasn't my friend on the phone, it was my boss. FML
Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML
Today, while sitting on the toilet, my phone pocket dialed my boss's cell. He was in the next stall. He answered. FML
Today, my boss asked to use my phone since the company pays for it. A few hours later the same boss called me into his office to fire me. Apparently the company checks the phone records and found a call made on my cell to a sex line. My boss made that call and just fired me. FML
Today, at work, my phone rang. My intern answered it and told me it was a coworker who'd just left. I picked up and said "What's up bitch? What are you going to complain about now?!" It was actually my boss. FML
Today, while working at my dead-end call centre job that couldn't get any worse, I answered a call from a customer who was having loud sex. I still needed to sound professional and tell her when a product was released. FML
Today, my boss rang me for the 5th time on my day off. Frustrated I pushed 'ignore' and yelled a string of obscenities at my phone. Turns out I pushed 'talk'. FML
Today, my long-distance girlfriend drunk dialed me and told me she was horny. Surprised, I exclaimed, "You're horny?" without realizing my boss was right next to me. FML
Today, I was working by myself at a retail store and I was bored so I called my boyfriend. I woke him up and he was feeling frisky, and as things were getting heated, I started to moan and say dirty things… Until the entire rack of clothes fell over and revealed my boss hiding. He had a boner. FML
Today, while lifeguarding, I received six prank phone calls on the official pool phone. When it rang again, I picked it up, told them to go fuck themselves, hung up, and then left the phone off the hook. A second later, my cellphone rang. It was my boss, telling me to get a sense of humor. FML
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Top comments
Ilikeurfmls 13
Or you could've said "you squeeze it we freeze it".
zojieeu 6
You are screwed :D
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Comments (170)
zojieeu 6
You are screwed :D
21jason 9
So is he going to make a donation?
NeDaroft 5
I hope his friend will be willing to cumfort him after that
JurassicHole 5
46 - That wasn't very punny.
tjv3 10
That is very unprofessional. No wonder the world is going to hell
truth_spitta 0
75, act your age not your comment number...
ChrisTheCalm 9
You might as well start a sperm bank business, screw that job ! (: you already got a catchy phrase too!
ttttttyyy 0
Act your age not your IQ op.
Inferring 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Girls makes sperm too? ;o
lolfood 24
...
Flyersfan54 4
I felt my IQ drop after reading #2's comment.
Crystal55621 19
Go sit down somewhere, #2.
AwkwardPartyBear 24
#2 Wow, half of my braincells commited suicide because of your comment.
domking1315 20
Dafuq did i just read?
SqueakyChipmunk 22
No, but they take it. Sperm thieves!
kamakazi1 5
40, you just read a stupid FML comment, that's what. 2, that emoticon thing had literally no correlation to your comment.
hecallsmedarlin 7
^ think about it. #2's emoticon had "literally" everything to do with his comment. It is a surprised "O" face... Meaning it is a chick with her mouth open. & that there ladies and gentlemen is how girls "make sperm too".
SmokingUnicorn 8
2- You ******* kidding me?
Il_Maestro 6
76- I'm pretty sure you forgot to include logic in your explanation.
truth_spitta 0
Seems to be a pattern 89..
Inferring 7
I was just kidding, obviously girls don't make sperm. Even a 10 year old would know that. Why so serious? :l
pandarara116 4
*facepalm*
cosmosis 12
100- well now you know that! You just got educated...
pokefan813 16
Put down your torches and pitchforks and look at the op's username...
irishboy352 0
I don't want to live on this planet anymore
Inferring 7
110- And you couldn't tell that my comment was a joke... Did you? Good job for assuming though, I applaud for everyones' pathetic assumptions on my intelligence because of one witty joke.
pavlovaaLOVE 7
Joke or not.... I'm pretty sure no ones gonna let you live that down. Thats how 'wtf' it was
GoldenGrizzly 7
"Witty" joke? Inferring I am sorry to say that was a terrible joke and you are not as witty as you want to think you are.
ttttttyyy 0
*sarcastic clapping*
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
But Inferring, did you seriously think that your joke was funny?
GetDirtyDoWork 1
*slow clap*
bunniex1 11
Yes girls make sperm. Good job Dr. Dipshit.
BloodMonger13 9
so a girl sees a guy and asks what he is doing he replyed going to donate sperm so she asked how much he makes every time he does he replyed 300$ she then told him that she only makes 50 for donating blood the guy leaves and then returns the next day the guy sees the girl sitting there looking at the ceiling and the guy asked what she was doing there she kept stairing at the ceiling and giggled...
wdd2 5
#39, Only half? You're lucky, I think I lost 7/8 of mine.
DontClickOnMe 28
Well, if you have Caller ID, then you definitely deserve it. I just hope someone wouldn't be that stupid to say that even though they saw it was their boss.
DocBastard 40
Edit: please ignore. Damn posting bug.
iCake 13
Well he says that it was the next call
lolfood 24
Damn it, why do I always click on you?
unoffensivename 0
Cum on Man y u so stupid
sariannacanna 6
Lmao
xxblmpknxx 10
That he did. A poor attempt at being witty.
unoffensivename 0
I get the sense I'm disliked on FML.
BlackCube2 2
thats some funny shit there
beastroish 0
Hahaha I get it. Instead of c'mon you said cum on. Lol nice. Unless you didn't realize.
EvilLilCupcake 10
122- welcome to the wonderful world of FML! home to grammar Nazis, people who lack the knowledge of how to use a keyboard, and shitty puns! Let me explain. The Shitty puns come first (example, #4's shitty pun) then the people who have have the IQ level of a toad, who misspell and make no sense, then the grammar Nazis swoop in and correct ever little error they can spot. Now that you are caught up, enjoy the marvelous place that is FML!
Axipiter 24
People seem not to realize that it's still spelled "come". Retard.
unoffensivename 0
Way to get offensive screw you and your demeaning language
Ilikeurfmls 13
Or you could've said "you squeeze it we freeze it".
SteffiRose2113 4
Oh. My. Goshhh.
br0ccoli 15
Hahaha! Squeeze...freeze. LMAO! OK I'm done. Carry on.
KriiFahMoro 9
Don't mind 42, she's just suprised by her own stupidity.
hzlzkgzkgzchxuxh 3
You smack it we sack it
XtraEzeee 8
You yank it, we bank it... Am I cool now?
robotiick7 23
"You spank it, we bank it"
TheDoctor10 28
I've always used "you wank it, we bank it."
_streets_ 19
Hopefully your boss has a sense of humor.
reddudeover 2
They could and STILL not appreciate op jacking around with their business. There's a bounds of reason as to how far someone can go and someone still have a sense of "humor" about it.
WearingHats 14
I think he rubbed him the wrong way.
jackii1313 9
Way to go! Hopefully you don't get fired!
gabe1227 1
Very unlucky
muurph 4
you don't say ?
anon80214 15
It's not unlucky it's just stupid.
DocBastard 40
I hope his response was, "Hi, this is your boss. I hired you, I fired you."
idoam 8
Unrelated, but what is your picture of?
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Dislocated prosthetic hip.
Zomg_Okay 27
His latest victi... patient.
idoam 8
Ah! Thanks, 61! I can usually figure them out, but this one had me stumped.
kakarot2 11
I can't see any pictures for some reason... Just a gray square for everyone.
beastroish 0
That sucks. I like seeing the pics
mvems 13
Bahahah yes!! Your an idiot but your also my hero.
lolfood 24
You're*
mvems 13
Oh how necessary and lovely of you, thanks! Here I was thinking someone had an actual reply, thank god it was you.
lolfood 24
Would you rather me say how hot and pretty you are?
lolfood 24
Plus saying "your an idiot" makes you look like an idiot.
mvems 13
Haha not really I don't where I implied that, but if you must! Settle down I'm joking around with you and my comment about op being an idiot. You seem very invested in your grammar nazism, so dont waste all of your precious time here! Go save the words!
Myo_fml 20
He WAS saving the words, from you. It's not okay to abuse the English language.
manzylittle3759 6
Chill out people. She's sexy, don't you all know that sexy girls can get away with anything?? mvems, I stand behind you.
mvems 13
Hahaha whoa internet commenters are hectic I feel unprepared
manzylittle3759 6
The whole world is hetic. Thus why you must be prepared for anything. :p
Fasterkill 6
You'd be complimenting a fashion model, as that isn't even her.
mvems 13
I change my mind. Ops not my hero anymore. You guys are.
iloveursister 4
Get off of the internet and get a life you stupid ass grammar nazis
Axipiter 24
She changes her mind. Everybody get that?