Today, at the mall, my 4-year-old son threw up on a man's shoes. When he approached me, I immediately machine-gun mouthed him in public. The man apparently is a doctor and concernedly said that my son may have a rare gastric disease based on the puke. I got him checked, and he's right. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 3 year-old son projectile vomited on me. I was covered head to toe in blue Gatorade vomit. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML
Today, a mother and son were in my office. The kid wasn't feeling well and threw up. Mom covered his mouth with her hand, creating a vomit nozzle and covering me in puke. She yelled that I deserved to be sprayed on because I was not quick enough in getting a bucket for her son. FML
Today, I took my two-year-old out to dinner. During dinner, our son went to the bathroom three times. As we were getting ready to leave he kept saying he had to go potty. He had gone multiple times, so I thought he would be fine. As he stood up, a giant turd fell on the floor in front of everyone. FML
Today, after changing and dressing my 6-month-old into his super cute brand new outfit, I saw the telltale sign of him about to vomit. Without thinking, I cup my hand under his mouth and catch it all. I had to sit there with a hand full of puke and nowhere to dump it. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year-old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML
Today, my one-year-old son threw up on the man sitting next to us on a plane. I felt bad and apologized profusely. When I tried to give him money for dry cleaning, he slapped me. FML
Today, while riding the bus to a really important job interview the child sitting next to me threw up in my lap. His mother then told him to wipe his mouth. He used my sleeve. FML
Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML
Today, I stepped out for some fresh air while I waited for my clothes to dry at the laundromat. Just as I was retrieving my clothes, a disheveled-looking kid staggered over, pushed me aside, and started vomiting his guts out all over my fresh clothes. FML
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Top comments
CSSDimian 6
I hate mothers like you. What need was there to go off on some poor dude who just got thrown up on? Ydi.
Sudokori 13
I'd call you a **** but you have not the warmth, the depth of character, nor the capacity to ever give pleasure.
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Comments (45)
RetireEngland 24
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Jumping the gun, your kids should be taken away if that illness is only being found now
raven_of_azarath 35
Some illnesses take years to show up. We had a family friend who's daughter has celiac. They didn't know for years because she didn't show symptoms for years.
VelociTheRaptor 13
you must be a perfect parent
Mungolikecandy 19
As machine gun mouth means to babble, was it apologetic babbling or aggressive babbling? If it was aggressive YDI and are a nasty person, if it was apologetic someone helped your son out which is a good thing in the end.
heart_aussie 32
Everyone one here seems to have interpreted it as her yelling at the poor lad but I like to think she was apologising as fast and as many times as she could and that's what she meant by "machine gun mouthing" him.
Ric Gray 10
if that were the case her name wouldn't be one sorry mom or whatever
mooman36 15
As a Brit never hearing this term I took it to mean what everyone else thinks it means. Since machine guns are aggressive i would question as to how you would apologetically machine gun someone?
adjwejaelwkdc 21
Let's substitute "apologized to" for "machine-gun mouthed" in that sentence and see how it sounds. "I immediately apologized to him in public." Nope, that sounds pretty wrong. I'd say that it's the words, "in public," that are making people assume that this was an admission of bad behavior. Those words rarely follow nice things or things of which one is proud to admit.
Mungolikecandy 19
I would agree I cannot see it as being a bad thing that she was apologetic and got a free diagnosis of her child's illness so have presumed, as others, she was a horrible person after her child ruined someone's shoes. I was giving the benefit of the doubt but do tend to have a suspicion she is a horrid person. I would not expect clarification as I get the impression the person whose story it is may avoid responding.
lucasj2345 7
What kind of bitch are you?
Stuffaluffagus 25
So let me get this straight, your kid pukes on this guy and YOU yell at HIM? You're truly the most terrible kind of person
VelociTheRaptor 13
Y'all do realize that "machine gun mouthed" means to just babble on and talk quickly. in other words, this mom was probably embarrassed and began talking quickly trying to come up with an apology. But I forgot y'all are perfect parents.
PenguinPal3017 19
If that wad the case OP really needs to choose her words more carefully.
Mungolikecandy 19
I did give the benefit of the doubt but cannot see how being apologetic and getting a free and correct diagnosis is a bad thing so have a suspicion she meant she tore him a new one.
piinksock 17
Today I got a language lesson from someone who says "y'all". FML
Zgames 4
"Y'all" Yeah... you don't have the right to correct someone on what a word or phrase means.
kmarie22_613e 25
If y'all "you all" is unacceptable so is the use of the contraction don't "do not". Y'all can shove it where the sun don't shine.
bigdaddyeric 37
Was it Doc Martin? Lol
mattyiscool123 26
Machine gun mouthed? That's a new one
Cubanloverllera 12
how is this an fml? the doctor helped the mother
The Best Retainer 1
You deserved it. Your kid just threw up on someone and you're just going to yell at them instead of cleaning up after the kid? *I'm assuming that's what "machine-gun mouthed" means. I haven't heard that one.
Zgames 4
I accidentally pressed the "Agree" button, that's probably where half of those numbers came from. You're an asshole and completely deserved what you got. You're going to mouth someone off because they're approaching you? Seriously? Your son potentially ruined their shoes, if that's what he was coming over for then you should be compensating him, not mouthing them off. You deserve to have the rare disease, not your son. Stop being an asshole.