Today, at the mall, my 4-year-old son threw up on a man's shoes. When he approached me, I immediately machine-gun mouthed him in public. The man apparently is a doctor and concernedly said that my son may have a rare gastric disease based on the puke. I got him checked, and he's right. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 3 year-old son projectile vomited on me. I was covered head to toe in blue Gatorade vomit. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML
Today, a mother and son were in my office. The kid wasn't feeling well and threw up. Mom covered his mouth with her hand, creating a vomit nozzle and covering me in puke. She yelled that I deserved to be sprayed on because I was not quick enough in getting a bucket for her son. FML
Today, I took my two-year-old out to dinner. During dinner, our son went to the bathroom three times. As we were getting ready to leave he kept saying he had to go potty. He had gone multiple times, so I thought he would be fine. As he stood up, a giant turd fell on the floor in front of everyone. FML
Today, after changing and dressing my 6-month-old into his super cute brand new outfit, I saw the telltale sign of him about to vomit. Without thinking, I cup my hand under his mouth and catch it all. I had to sit there with a hand full of puke and nowhere to dump it. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year-old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML
Today, my one-year-old son threw up on the man sitting next to us on a plane. I felt bad and apologized profusely. When I tried to give him money for dry cleaning, he slapped me. FML
Today, while riding the bus to a really important job interview the child sitting next to me threw up in my lap. His mother then told him to wipe his mouth. He used my sleeve. FML
Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML
Today, I stepped out for some fresh air while I waited for my clothes to dry at the laundromat. Just as I was retrieving my clothes, a disheveled-looking kid staggered over, pushed me aside, and started vomiting his guts out all over my fresh clothes. FML
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Top comments
CSSDimian 6
I hate mothers like you. What need was there to go off on some poor dude who just got thrown up on? Ydi.
Sudokori 13
I'd call you a **** but you have not the warmth, the depth of character, nor the capacity to ever give pleasure.
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Comments (45)
CSSDimian 6
I hate mothers like you. What need was there to go off on some poor dude who just got thrown up on? Ydi.
Sudokori 13
I'd call you a **** but you have not the warmth, the depth of character, nor the capacity to ever give pleasure.
ifuckuprandomly 28
God damn that was savage
AXel2169 23
Fascinating how your insulting comment hasn't been hidden, because so many people (including myself) agree with you. It's the kind of comment that usually gets reported, but I guess we all hate people like OP, therefore it's ok to insult her
IcallBSonthiscrap 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I hate that these things all start with "Today...." Because we all know that there is NO WAY someone is taking a kid to the doctor and getting a diagnosis on a rare gastric disorder in a day!
clair_brodie 35
Those be FML rules.
jfsiv 17
YDI. All FMLs start with 'Today" and end with "FML"
IcallBSonthiscrap 3
They are.
IcallBSonthiscrap 3
lol. Perhaps I should have put a smiley face on the first comment I made. It wasn't meant to be this serious.
Kougeru 12
Why would you "machine-gun mouth" him anyway? Your son ruined his shoes. Even if he WASN'T going to help you, you still deserved anything bad that was gonna happen because your son ruined his shoes. As his legal guardian, you would owe that man new shoes. He 100% had the right to confront you and ask for compensation for the damage your son caused. You're lucky he didn't and gave you a free diagnosis that millions of people would literally die for.
holyshmolly 13
Well not literally die for the diagnosis. Perhaps you meant literally die from the illness?
Zachary8261 28
You're an ass.
RichardPencil 32
You machine-gun mouthed him in public? In front of your child? You dirty girl, you could get arrested for that! And where did you learn to do that? Only high-end escorts know how to do that really well!
lccc_ 18
okay why?? YOUR son threw up on HIM. im really confused as to why YOU would tell him off??
NostalgiaFreak9 43
So your son pukes on the guys shoes, and you yell at him why? Do you honestly think we are gonna feel sorry for you? You should be lucky the man was nice and warned you about the disease even after you yelled at him for whatever reason. Grow up.
Lobby_Bee 18
Reason why children are shit these days is because of poor parenting. Your son deserve a better mother.
tonyfan00 38
Does he specialize in brain scans as well? Cause you sure as hell need one!