Today, at my first day working at Walmart, a customer asked if we have any egg cookers. I said I wasn't sure, but that I'd be "eggstatic" to go ask for him. The first clue I got to suggest he hated puns was him yelling "Don't get smart with me, boy!" and then threatening to kill me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at work, a 3-year-old threw an egg at me from his cart. I couldn't leave my register to clean my hair because it was too busy, so when the new manager came in, he wrote me up for "unkempt appearance." Now my new hire probation period is extended 30 days, and my nickname is "Egghead." FML
Today, while at work at my grocery store I sold a TON of eggs to a bunch of kids. We joked around that they were "going to bake a giant cake." When I got home I found out someone had egged my house. FML
Today, at work, a customer threatened to punch me in the face because the store I work at doesn't have shopping baskets, only carts. FML
Today, I was at work as a cashier. An old lady unbagged everything I had, and angrily "taught" me how to bag. She put potatoes on her eggs and broke them. She then screamed that I was useless and retarded in front of all my other customers and manager. FML
Today, I started my new job at a restaurant I really like. As I waited on my first customer, I suggested that he try the apple pie, because it's my favourite. He looked up at me and said, "Yeah? Figures! Lay off 'em, porky!" FML
Today, we were running a special at work that I had previously been told was an online-only special. After the general manager corrected me, I used the joke excuse of, "It's my first day". The customer replied, "I can tell". I've worked there two years and I'm the assistant manager. FML
Today, I started my first day at a job. First thing my manager does is ask me if I knew the fastest way to kill someone there, then told me with a straight face all of what would occur when dumping a person's head into the deep fryer. Then the psycho assigned me to the fry station. FML
Today, I was at work at a local hot dog chain. A child (about 10, who I've seen there before) came in to order food for his Dad. He orders very excitedly, and I told him he'd be a great worker here when he gets older. He said "oh no, my Dad says I'm too smart to work in a place like this." FML
Today, I was waitressing at the diner and a guy ordered two eggs, one scrambled and one poached. He hurled his plate at me angrily because they "scrambled the egg he wanted poached and poached the egg he wanted scrambled." He stormed out without paying. FML
Today, a man tried to rob the store I work at. Before the guy was taken by the cops, he complained to my manager for "unfriendly behavior". He took it seriously and bitched me out for not providing "quality service" to our customers. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
I guess you were walking on eggshells after that.
revan546 24
I thought it was an eggcellent pun OP
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Comments (89)
Karenezzy 20
It is walmart you know... Weird people shop there.
sexyboi1985 27
That was eggstreme !
qdawg06 23
Wal-Mart does have some scary customers...
ohSNAPyall 27
No need to eggaggerate.
pills_here 5
That wasn't really an EGGcellent plan OP.
ohSNAPyall 27
Quit egging him on!
PotatoPal 11
You are having a lot of fun with these egg yolks, I see.
hellnosucka 27
said the cat to the hamster.
ohSNAPyall 27
Eggzactly. Check out my profile. (It's said that on there for a while.)
buckdharma 38
Maybe come back with a why did the chicken cross the road joke.
Emocuttergirl 13
People at wal mart are like that some-times
weveallbeenthere 30
the fml is funny, the comments are funnier.
NicH1799 20
At least you have a little fun at your job, they cant get mad for questionable service at walmart
91hayek 31
I like this customer's MO; I would have taken it a step further and berated you intensely with egg puns, confusing you even further - "Don't get smart with me, boy! I'm already in a fowl mood as it is! I'm here to shell out good money and you're just cackling as you crack these jokes?! That joke has been done to death!! Who did you poach it from?! I swear if you try that again I'm gonna lay you out!" OP is allowed to interrupt IF AND ONLY IF he does so saying "Omelette you finish, but I gotta eggsit before this egscalates into a beating."
Gravenmuir 18
I was just chicken out the comments and found this beautiful piece of literary artwork. This was gold. You, sir, deserve an award.
girI 20
The best laid comment here.
cryssycakesx3 23
I'd have been too chicken to say all that, 25.