Today, I started my first day at a job. First thing my manager does is ask me if I knew the fastest way to kill someone there, then told me with a straight face all of what would occur when dumping a person's head into the deep fryer. Then the psycho assigned me to the fry station. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it's my third day at work and the hazing finally began. After a few rounds of "punch the new guy", I thought I would finally be safe because the manager walked into the kitchen. He saw what was going on, picked up a handful of ketchup packets, and began throwing them at me. FML
Today, I was fired from my job because I would "scare" the customers. Two days ago, a coworker spilled fry oil onto the grill, causing flames to singe my eyebrows and the front of my hair off. FML
Today, at my first day of work, I was impressing my trainer with my skills by carrying many trays at once. Well, I could until I came around a corner and ran into a customer. With food all over his front, he introduced himself to me as the head manager. FML
Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML
Today, at my new job at a funeral home, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't "lighten the hell up" while dealing with our grieving clients. FML
Today, I learnt that the people I work with dislike me so much that they have a competition to see who can accidentally hurt me the most. How did I find out? A chef poured boiling water over my hands, and another shouted "50 POINTS!" FML
Today, I started my first job as a power line technician. My boss's first words to me were, "I have a good feeling about you, kid!" That would've been great if he hadn't said, "Although, the last time I had a good feeling, the guy died" right afterwards. FML
Today, I was working at a local restaurant when another server's table called me over to ask if I've "ever killed anybody". They informed me I looked like a serial killer. I informed them, of course, that I have never killed anybody. Another customer claimed I scared her child. I was fired. FML
Today, I had to take out the grease traps from our fryers. A very rude co-worker cut me off, so I had to abruptly stop and try to prevent as much spilling as possible. Luckily, it only spilled on me. I'm here for six more hours with burned, smelly, greasy spots all over my skin and clothes. FML
Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Tripartita 45
Due to some clerical error, the world's top assassin was assigned to manage a fast food joint. Meanwhile, in a blacklisted government facility, the person who would've been your manager is faking their way through interrogating a detained criminal. "Don't make me get the hairnet out, you scum! When I'm done with you, there won't be a meal happy enough to console you!"
shandu7 10
Seems like he might have a good sense of humor and enjoys messing with people. Give it a chance.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (55)
PepeLord 7
That Burns!
frecklesrose93 19
I would consider finding another job!
NNOTCHO 23
He's going to kill someone and pin it on you
MrSarary 26
Jobs are hard to come by. Smile, even fake a laugh and continue on frying.
MidnaLink 35
Better to spin the employment roulette than work for a psychopath.
Tarlachia 33
I'd be wary if your boss suddenly declared, "Fry that bitch!"
rain_in_the_Sky 3
#6 fry that bitch or fry that, bitch - I can't decide which is worse...
RpiesSPIES 27
After saying that, does OP slowly walk away as symmetrically-placed friers on either side pop up two bags of perfectly fried fries?
Tripartita 45
Due to some clerical error, the world's top assassin was assigned to manage a fast food joint. Meanwhile, in a blacklisted government facility, the person who would've been your manager is faking their way through interrogating a detained criminal. "Don't make me get the hairnet out, you scum! When I'm done with you, there won't be a meal happy enough to console you!"
sylvienoir 18
I would watch that movie.
Armeniangirl_fml 15
I would too!
mariri9206 32
The person faking their way through an interrogation would be played by Melissa McCarthy.
mrbump122 13
Obviously, who else could portray such a role.
Ireth_fml 5
I would read that book. Someone write it.
shandu7 10
Seems like he might have a good sense of humor and enjoys messing with people. Give it a chance.
Bearsmomma 30
He will be fun!
redcode5 17
Big red flag, I would try to move jobs, for a safer and less stressful environment.
Lalala579121 28
You wouldn't happen to be working at Doublemeat Palace, would you?
domolovesyoshi 33
I understood that reference, I love Buffy.