Today, at my first day working at Walmart, a customer asked if we have any egg cookers. I said I wasn't sure, but that I'd be "eggstatic" to go ask for him. The first clue I got to suggest he hated puns was him yelling "Don't get smart with me, boy!" and then threatening to kill me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at work, a 3-year-old threw an egg at me from his cart. I couldn't leave my register to clean my hair because it was too busy, so when the new manager came in, he wrote me up for "unkempt appearance." Now my new hire probation period is extended 30 days, and my nickname is "Egghead." FML
Today, while at work at my grocery store I sold a TON of eggs to a bunch of kids. We joked around that they were "going to bake a giant cake." When I got home I found out someone had egged my house. FML
Today, at work, a customer threatened to punch me in the face because the store I work at doesn't have shopping baskets, only carts. FML
Today, I was at work as a cashier. An old lady unbagged everything I had, and angrily "taught" me how to bag. She put potatoes on her eggs and broke them. She then screamed that I was useless and retarded in front of all my other customers and manager. FML
Today, I started my new job at a restaurant I really like. As I waited on my first customer, I suggested that he try the apple pie, because it's my favourite. He looked up at me and said, "Yeah? Figures! Lay off 'em, porky!" FML
Today, we were running a special at work that I had previously been told was an online-only special. After the general manager corrected me, I used the joke excuse of, "It's my first day". The customer replied, "I can tell". I've worked there two years and I'm the assistant manager. FML
Today, I started my first day at a job. First thing my manager does is ask me if I knew the fastest way to kill someone there, then told me with a straight face all of what would occur when dumping a person's head into the deep fryer. Then the psycho assigned me to the fry station. FML
Today, I was at work at a local hot dog chain. A child (about 10, who I've seen there before) came in to order food for his Dad. He orders very excitedly, and I told him he'd be a great worker here when he gets older. He said "oh no, my Dad says I'm too smart to work in a place like this." FML
Today, I was waitressing at the diner and a guy ordered two eggs, one scrambled and one poached. He hurled his plate at me angrily because they "scrambled the egg he wanted poached and poached the egg he wanted scrambled." He stormed out without paying. FML
Today, a man tried to rob the store I work at. Before the guy was taken by the cops, he complained to my manager for "unfriendly behavior". He took it seriously and bitched me out for not providing "quality service" to our customers. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
I guess you were walking on eggshells after that.
revan546 24
I thought it was an eggcellent pun OP
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Comments (89)
Welshite 40
I guess you were walking on eggshells after that.
J215B 33
That'll be one eggciting conversation with your boss
J3R3MYY 14
I'm gonna egg you for killing that comment.
colby6666 43
I thought the pun was eggceptional given the circumstances.
ohSNAPyall 27
1: If not, OP would really be in hot water.
kingdomgirl94 29
People can't appreciate a good yolk these days.
Demig0d6 14
Eggcuse me guys, did I miss anything?
animalxcrackers 20
I would've cracked a smile if I'd been that customer.
ironichalibut 24
You guys are beating this one to death, I'm going to lead by eggzample and not make anymore egg puns
TheTacoMan 24
That's Egg-oh-Kay with me #66
TrippingOnAcid 29
You guys are poaching all my best yolks
mistertbawk420 10
what an eggcellent string of comments
DASG 3
Eggjactly so
badluckalex 23
86 is a devil-ed egg
creedfish 21
These puns are Cracking me up.
superjewguy 19
hell yes they are funny
hxnnxh 14
Well that eggscalated quickly..
J3R3MYY 14
Ah damn look at all the neggs my comment got.
cryssycakesx3 23
the man didn't have to get so eggcited about a silly play on words.
incoherentrmblr 22
Gotta love the people of WalMart...
TheKillerWalrus 10
That eggstraordinary pun would have made me laugh.
XxRandomMonkeyxX 6
@113 ... and now you will get more isnt that eggcellent
frances1942 10
No just no...
shabowbow 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Punny.
ohSNAPyall 27
Yolk, yolk, yolk
Jared900DUmpling 30
That word makes my eyes swell and my ears bleed
cryssycakesx3 23
was it even a pun though?
revan546 24
I thought it was an eggcellent pun OP
ukeandfoodislife 19
That joke was so uneggspected!
jerryj 27
You have both eggceeded my eggceptionally low eggspectations.
superjewguy 19
to #78 that was eggcellent
allison12197 23
Well you are at a Walmart so people like that are to be expected.
Edumcg 24
eggpected*
IloveToLaugh143 21
Nice one, #35. Cracked me up.
khaoticpanda 28
Walmart: where hopes and dreams go to die
creedfish 21
@50 that eggy breaky my heart
Matrixuniverses 13
Walmart, the biggest collection of asshole customers
tacojauns 45
Well that because your pun delivery wasn't eggecuted very well.
IloveToLaugh143 21
You guys are poaching all my best yolks.
bigtacoz 10
Well he was not sunny side up
MattM95 16
Well OP look at the bright side, oh wait never mind there isn't one. Sorry.
thomcmoore 23
I believe you mean the "sunny side."
Gotenks483 5
Maybe he has a scrambled sense of humor.
ohSNAPyall 27
Or he was just feeling fried.
brittanyann2013 12
Lol I used to be a cashier at Walmart. People can be assholes. You'll get used to it eventually. Also get used to seeing odd things.
MzZombicidal 36
Just the other day, I saw a man walk into Walmart wearing chainmail at one o'clock in the morning. I really wish I'd waited to see what he bought.