Today, at about 1 a.m. I got a drunk text from my girlfriend thanking me for the amazing sex last night. I have been out of town for 3 days. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, I called my girlfriend and she answered telling me how amazing the sex was last night and she can't wait to see me later. I didn't see her last night. FML
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML
Today, I received a text from the guy I'm into, thanking me for helping him drunkenly stumble back to his apartment last night. He ended it with, "How long did you stay?" Apparently, he doesn't remember confessing his secret love for me, or the fantastic kiss that followed. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find a very gorgeous girl in my bed. Her only words to me were "did anything happen?" When I replied yes she began to cry. Nice to know I was someone's rock bottom. FML
Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me at 5am, just to say how great it was that I could still sleep two more hours before leaving for work. FML
Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML
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Top comments
SweetieLish 0
Forward the text to her when she's sober...I bet she'll be regretting THAT text message!
plexico 4
You must have a very long penis. Congratulations.
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Comments (128)
K001 0
**** that bitch
Manny_B92 0
Hit her with a "I know but stop texting me, my girlfriend might find out!"
BikerMike 0
Try to get some back door action, if she says no then dump the cheating ****
twindaddy 0
Time to find a new chick.
Consequences 0
Apparently the other male looked like you, so maybe she legitimately thought she was having sex with you (although I sure wouldn't put up with that nonsense, I'd have ended things right there with my reply text, but maybe you're not like me).
AmberHall 2
Can I just point out people that sometimes 'friends' can steal your phone and text embarassing messages to piss you off? Before yelling at her and dumping her, make sure you get the facts!
brasileirinha 0
pwnt
anonymouschicka 0
How come there are so many FMLs about this exact same situation? And I agree with #102
Bullshet 0
If she's drunk, I'm sure she got a little confused.
jgars575 0
if shes drunk she mightve just not been able to really have any sense of time. she could have easily meant to say "3 days earlier" but to a drunk, its much easier to say "last night" regardless of the actual intention