Today, at about 1 a.m. I got a drunk text from my girlfriend thanking me for the amazing sex last night. I have been out of town for 3 days. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, I called my girlfriend and she answered telling me how amazing the sex was last night and she can't wait to see me later. I didn't see her last night. FML
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML
Today, I received a text from the guy I'm into, thanking me for helping him drunkenly stumble back to his apartment last night. He ended it with, "How long did you stay?" Apparently, he doesn't remember confessing his secret love for me, or the fantastic kiss that followed. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find a very gorgeous girl in my bed. Her only words to me were "did anything happen?" When I replied yes she began to cry. Nice to know I was someone's rock bottom. FML
Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me at 5am, just to say how great it was that I could still sleep two more hours before leaving for work. FML
Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML
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Top comments
SweetieLish 0
Forward the text to her when she's sober...I bet she'll be regretting THAT text message!
plexico 4
You must have a very long penis. Congratulations.
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Comments (128)
aJ09 0
if u stay with this bitch, then ur a pussy
Dummie 0
Ok so FYL for sure... to quote 3OH3 "Don't trust a hoe!" Don't listen to her excuses and dump the bitch... don't even have the sex that #71 is suggesting (albeit a HILARIOUS idea) because who knows what you'll catch from that skanky ass!
Atreyu_Love 0
You most certainly can
lisamarie048 0
This is completely forgivable... provided she's blind and deaf, of course.
kristina3514 0
Sorry to throw in a random question folks...but what does "ftw" stand for? Also... To the poster saying "how is this an fml?" Dude got cheated on and found out because his drunk whorey gf can't navigate a cell phone contact list. How is this NOT an fml? (Granted the cheating bf/gf is used a lot)
lisamarie048 0
FTW = For The Win FTL = For The Lose
kristina3514 0
Thank you lisamarie! Sad as this sounds...I have been sitting here coming up with all the things it could have stood for. Haha none of them made sense
plethora 3
Urban Dictionary, dude. It could be your best friend.
kristina3514 0
Urban dictionary? Man alive I must live under a rock. Never heard of it but thank you I will check that out! :)
Antoyal 3
OP, just hope she was trying to drunk text that hot girlfriend of hers with whom you've been trying to set up a threesome. Oh, and as others have said: get tested. XD
likeduhhx4 0
ouch.