Today, at about 1 a.m. I got a drunk text from my girlfriend thanking me for the amazing sex last night. I have been out of town for 3 days. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, I called my girlfriend and she answered telling me how amazing the sex was last night and she can't wait to see me later. I didn't see her last night. FML
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML
Today, I received a text from the guy I'm into, thanking me for helping him drunkenly stumble back to his apartment last night. He ended it with, "How long did you stay?" Apparently, he doesn't remember confessing his secret love for me, or the fantastic kiss that followed. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find a very gorgeous girl in my bed. Her only words to me were "did anything happen?" When I replied yes she began to cry. Nice to know I was someone's rock bottom. FML
Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me at 5am, just to say how great it was that I could still sleep two more hours before leaving for work. FML
Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML
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Top comments
SweetieLish 0
Forward the text to her when she's sober...I bet she'll be regretting THAT text message!
plexico 4
You must have a very long penis. Congratulations.
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Comments (128)
I_am_stupid_also 6
So some guy is back home pretending you be you and banging your gf. Ask her what she likes best so you can starting doing that. Otherwise she will dump you when the real you gets home.
King_of_Kings 3
what a drunk bitch. sorry for that but still, what a drunk bitch if all of you reading this are interested in seeing Things That Deserve To Be Destroyed, follow this link - http://www.youtube.com/PlyWoodProductions
NoodleBurger 0
uhh, misspells perhaps
DarthJeff 0
Nice. 3some in the future?
whoahanna 0
Dump her slutty ass. FYL.
naja_12168 3
I agree that this is an FYL. Sorry.
YouSoDeservedIt 0
Get tested.
DeathBoy 0
Best comment ever.
lightedlotus 0
hahahaha, genius
Silver_Eyes 0
I hope you mean *ex*-girlfriend. But, ouch, that's harsh.
Caayouteepie 0
aw maybe one of her friends were pulling a prank?
Chfanfiction 0
Maybe she was so drunk she forgot she didn't have any.