Today, at about 1 a.m. I got a drunk text from my girlfriend thanking me for the amazing sex last night. I have been out of town for 3 days. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, I called my girlfriend and she answered telling me how amazing the sex was last night and she can't wait to see me later. I didn't see her last night. FML
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML
Today, I received a text from the guy I'm into, thanking me for helping him drunkenly stumble back to his apartment last night. He ended it with, "How long did you stay?" Apparently, he doesn't remember confessing his secret love for me, or the fantastic kiss that followed. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find a very gorgeous girl in my bed. Her only words to me were "did anything happen?" When I replied yes she began to cry. Nice to know I was someone's rock bottom. FML
Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me at 5am, just to say how great it was that I could still sleep two more hours before leaving for work. FML
Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML
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Top comments
SweetieLish 0
Forward the text to her when she's sober...I bet she'll be regretting THAT text message!
plexico 4
You must have a very long penis. Congratulations.
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Comments (128)
Cerataphora 0
So glad my girl doesn't drink
paperfox_fml 0
Yes, because all girls who drink automatically cheat on their boyfriends, and all girls who don't drink automatically remain faithful forever.
allmidnighteyes 11
What you want, Natalie? TO DRINK AND FIGHT!! What you need, Natalie? TO **** ALL NIGHT!! Natalie Portman/The Lonely Island FTW
wordly 0
Of course! So if she doesn't drink, she'll never accidentally tell you she's been cheating on you and you'll never know! Problem solved!
Jaguaress 2
That should now be EX-girlfriend.
thebigslim 13
Funny how people tend to tell the truth about virtually everything when they are drunk. Sorry to hear that happened to you.
CodeMonkey123 0
That's so ****** up man, I would personaly dump her and key her car then light her house on fire. >:D
fourwheelsoffury 0
Then shoot her on the way out. lol
naja_12168 3
you guys made me laugh!
CyclonePsycho 1
*whiny voice* Now that's just excessive! D: /reference no one is going to get
1personinthiswor 0
113 - haha, you're right, no one got it.
TNEBlover 0
she's a keeper!
BAbyR 0
and then you say your welcome
MelanieBerrigan 0
Aw, fyl.
sugarcakebomb 0
wow FYL, dump her **** ass.
LeoBrZ81 0
maybe she was so drunk that she thought it was last night when it was really 3 nights ago? Either that, or I just gave her a possible excuse..
RJB 0
she cood have been helping herself last night? if you get what i mean... ;-)