Today, as part of my job as a performer, I had to show off my skills with a switchblade in front of an audience. A kid shot a rubber band at me. I then needed stitches. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML
Today, while practicing for a competition, someone decided to spin a rifle with a bayonet. I'm currently sitting in the ER with stitches in my foot. FML
Today, while demonstrating our new meat slicer at work, and after sharpening the blade at the end of the demonstration, I noticed some metal powder. I grabbed a rag to wipe it off, not realizing the blade was still in the “open” position. I now have six stitches and a really painful finger. FML
Today, while playing on stage, the singer of my band swung his microphone around, straight into my face. I now have stitches above my right eye, and a job interview in three days. FML
Today, I managed to staple my finger while showing my kindergartner class how to properly use one. FML
Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML
Today, I was accidently stabbed in the shin with a pen, right before a long weekend. It will need stitches. FML
Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML
Today, I got a paper cut while opening my box of Band-Aids. FML
Today, while showing off the sharpness of my new katana, I missed my target and hit my shoe. The strike cut into the second toe of my right foot, which then had to be amputated. Demonstration successful. FML
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Top comments
txgirl2013 14
Show your switch blade skills on his face.
GhettoXmuffin 7
This is why I'm not having kids
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Comments (139)
nubx 0
Haha looks like you won't be performing for a while
Torva_fml 16
Of coarse he will.. Performers Gota perform.
rahavan 15
FYL OP some kids are assholes but someday they'll meet karma. Anyway some chicks dig scars ;) so there is always an upside.
coolboy675 16
I used to show off my switch blade skills, but then I took a rubber band to the face.
kyarush 10
Should have rushed him with the knife screaming "is that funny!!!!????" and made him shit his pants.
jennyvieve 8
I thought it said a kid threw a rubber at me lol
SuperKnuckels 6
YDI, get a real job.
theaws0m3guy 4
Was he a ginger?
rahavan 15
73 where did that come from? I cannot see why you are so upset at this man for entertaining people with the gifts he has been given.
NOTquiteRAMBO 10
Justforlolz 14
What's so funny #1? I doubt you would chuckle and giggle in the same predicament. Don't believe me? Let's experiment!
Alexunited1212 2
24- all these Skyrim jokes almost make you wish for a nuclear winter...
imustbeinsane 2
85- Unfortunately he appears to have Repressed Angry Nerd with a Superiority Complex Syndrome.
ImFrackinBored 13
Switchblade or butterfly knife? I don't quite understand how you can perform skills with a switchblade as theres only a safety mech, a lock, and the button to release the spring... Either way it's never fun cutting into a finger :(
EverdreamOfMe 24
Who says op is a guy?
txgirl2013 14
Show your switch blade skills on his face.
ColdplaySucks 18
"For my next performance I'll show you how to properly throw knives. I've got a special guest here with me..."
racerapj 10
"Do you wanna know how I got these scars!"
SHANK_a_F00 4
The last time I decided to show off my switchblade skills, I got a MOAB >_>
thatonename 7
Mother of all bands?
tc34 1
Haha yeah the kid deserves it
ninjuh_wingman 29
That kid is the most awesome shot ever.
jackassiddy 8
I'm sure when the kid's mom told the father she finally got pregnant he said the same thing..
thisisafunnyname 12
4, probably thinks that the rubber band was shot so well that when it hit OP, OP started bleeding profusely
GhettoXmuffin 7
This is why I'm not having kids
yumlicious 4
I'm pretty sure 1 person abstaining from parenthood will not cause extinction upon an entire race. But what do I do know?
25shark 5
Of course it would!
Lythiaren 8
#38, if you're so concerned, why don't you pick up #5's slack? I'm sure you'll have a ball.
WordSmyth 2
7 billion... That's the world population. Pretty sure we could do without.
starlitmuse7 0
Why? You know what a little shit you were? ;)
Dflips 0
Well you dont know how to spell haha
sinking_fish 12
Im pretty sure the world could deal with a couple less "ghetto muffins" in the world.
yumlicious 4
We do not need any more "sinking fish" either.
fricknugget 3
hahaha my friend told me he'd rather have aids than have kids
failsammich 0
damn kids and their hippity hop and their rock music lol.
brianjman14 23
Hey, don't diss rock! >:(
fistnazal 10
Damn kids w they're books with faces own' 'em.. mah'spaces.. tweeter's and twahter's! Listenin' to little weezer's, whacker flacker's and wizard khalifer's! They stank and ah' hate 'em!
rahavan 15
Why can't we all get along? beside it's those kids with that rap music that's the worse!
instnt1nfction 17
Damn kids with their fuckity ****** comments
NoNameAtAll_fml 1
Damn kids with their damn flying machines, glow boxes, and roller boards
NeonBluee 8
28 - You shouldn't judge people by the genre of music they listen to. I'm a fan of rap and hip hop, doesn't make me a bad person. I'm actually really shy and do well in school. Don't judge a book by its cover, common sense.
graham11 14
28- I listen to rap and hip hop all the time but I'm still normal. Just because you listen to a genre of music doesn't make you the devil personified.
elementalz 2
Sorry graham but no1 with that picture is normal
1221jamw 11
Sorry Elementalz, but anybody that fails to spell out "No one," isn't normal.
ColtsDoug18 0
Now that's what I call a show, the audience must have been intrigued!
bizarre_ftw 22
The injuring incident immensely intrigued the audience? Alliteration?
brick_man33 14
must have been a hell of a show.
Znickanator 0
You dont know who i am but i know where you live. By Dale Gribble.
Heeeerroin 5
The one eyed midget!
jackassiddy 8
It seems as though your ninja skills need a little work if a rubber band messed up your focus that badly..
moosayztheduck 0
Agreed u might be at the level of nonja
FYLDeep 26
At least he didn't shoot an arrow at your knee.
brianjman14 23
Skyrim ftw.
D37H100 5
I use to be an arrow, but then i took a Chuck Norris to the knee
FYLDeep 26
I'm sorry, but I don't feel like you were taking me seriously. This is a real problem. A lot of people have been taking arrows to the knee lately.
TheJashinist 8
I don't think the 'arrow to the knee' jokes are funny. At all.
FYLDeep 26
You think this is a joke? Have you no heart?
heimdallr 14
I don't think the "Arrow to the knee" meme is even remotely funny, either.
brianjman14 23
Shut up, Makarov! You killed Soap, you bastard! :P
Wazilla 0
I used to be an adventurous arrow but then i got stuck in a knee.
antmanzero 8
I used to be able to do switchblade tricks, but then I took a rubber band to the knee.
CaptainTwiggy 0
29 is just bitter after taking an arrow to the knee.