Today, as I was leaving Walmart, a huge group of birds settled along the wire above the street. I thought it would be hilarious to scare them, so I stuck my head out the window and screamed. The birds responded by simultaneously shitting on my car in very neat rows. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML
Today, a bird took a dump on my truck as I was driving and the wind pushed it into the keyhole. FML
Today, I was so totally stressed out at work that I took my car into the park and reclined my seat and shut my eyes. Soon, I noticed the soothing sounds of raindrops on my car and I felt a little better for once. I opened my eyes to see that a bunch of birds had crapped all over my car. FML
Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML
Today, while driving, we pulled up at a set of traffic lights next to a huge truck with live animals inside. Curious as to exactly what animal, I wound down my window to see if I could hear them, just in time for the truck to take off and cow shit to fly in my face. FML
Today, I was walking down the street when a pigeon flew into my head and got caught in my hair. To make matters worse, a group of kids thought it was hilarious and started filming me with their phones while I screamed in terror. FML
Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML
Today, I went to the supermarket and picked up some groceries, along with what I thought was a bag of chips. I ripped it open in the car and realized it was a bag of birdseed. As I spat out the birdseed through the car's open window and tried to clean the mess, a pigeon flew into my car and attacked me. FML
Today, I got a bird as a pet. I thought it would be funny to put it on my head and take a picture. When the flash went off the bird flew off my head and pooped at the same time. You could see it in the picture. FML
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Top comments
MaryJane232323 9
What did you think would happen? They'd all start singing like they do in princess movies?
YayorNay 8
You scared the shit out if them.
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Comments (130)
ukrage 1
Sounds like you scared the shit out of them
IdfkMyUsernamexC 5
Well, there goes the bird shit.
FreakoHolm 6
What are you talking sbout?
irishman1989 0
That's epic.
FYLDeep 26
Those birds are such assholes. I bet they even tweeted about it afterwards.
m1grande 3
At least they didn't fly in your window and shit in your mouth and all over the steering wheel!!! Lol
bananagrams 9
No, not lol. You just tried way too hard to be funny.
m1grande 3
Srry my dumb brother took my ipod and wrote that. Im not immature like he is
bananagrams 9
That's what they all say.
m1grande 3
Whatever
XxNINJA_28xX 8
Told you not to do that.
Fl9C1 4
Ask and ya shall received
Nolnah 14
cocain is hell of a drug.
fromthesuck 8
Going to Walmart was your first mistake.