Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, then, my wife told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, my wife then told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me there was good news and bad news. Bad news: she's pregnant. Good news: I'm probably not the father. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I broke the news to my parents that we're having a baby. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "It's probably not yours." FML
Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML
Today, my parents, my aunt, and her husband went out to dinner. Once there, my aunt told us that she was pregnant. Out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML
Today, my 15-year-old daughter told me that she's pregnant. To make matters worse, she doesn't know who the father is. She told me not to worry though, because she has it narrowed down to "like, only 3 guys." FML
Today, my fiancé invited his pregnant co-worker for dinner. After we finished eating, he sat down and explained to me that her kid is his and that he's been cheating on me with her for 5 months. She had a smile on her face during the entire thing. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
manb91gb 15
Well I hope her baby shower gift from you is divorce papers
bl3ur0z3 17
On the one hand, she did increase the odds of conception. On the other hand, that better have been the best dinner she ever made.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (25)
bl3ur0z3 17
On the one hand, she did increase the odds of conception. On the other hand, that better have been the best dinner she ever made.
manb91gb 15
Well I hope her baby shower gift from you is divorce papers
Iamthebanzai22 21
Well, she clearly does not give a rusty **** about your feelings and she hasn't for a long time. DItch the bitch. Get a paternity test done before you agree to pay child support.
Huldan MeGroyn 13
Hopefully he doesn't live in a state that makes him pay child support regardless of whether or not it was his
TCRII 30
Hey mom and dad, great news. There is a 16.66% change that I am going to be a father and an 83.34% chance that I am going to get a divorce and not have to pay any alimony.
tounces7 28
100% chance of Divorce regardless.
RichardPencil 32
Tell her you'd like anything that's not sausage, and she should wash her hands thoroughly before making any food.
RichardPencil 32
And when she was telling you she was having Five Guys, you thought she was just getting a hamburger. Poor schmuck.
Ksweety_fml 27
Op, it's time leave her
cardin06 15
There is more to this story then you are telling us...
Matthew Irmen 11
I could be wrong, but there could be a message in this.
mfranks19891989 10
Soooo what did she make you for dinner?