Today, as I was leaving Walmart, a huge group of birds settled along the wire above the street. I thought it would be hilarious to scare them, so I stuck my head out the window and screamed. The birds responded by simultaneously shitting on my car in very neat rows. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML
Today, a bird took a dump on my truck as I was driving and the wind pushed it into the keyhole. FML
Today, I was so totally stressed out at work that I took my car into the park and reclined my seat and shut my eyes. Soon, I noticed the soothing sounds of raindrops on my car and I felt a little better for once. I opened my eyes to see that a bunch of birds had crapped all over my car. FML
Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML
Today, while driving, we pulled up at a set of traffic lights next to a huge truck with live animals inside. Curious as to exactly what animal, I wound down my window to see if I could hear them, just in time for the truck to take off and cow shit to fly in my face. FML
Today, I was walking down the street when a pigeon flew into my head and got caught in my hair. To make matters worse, a group of kids thought it was hilarious and started filming me with their phones while I screamed in terror. FML
Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML
Today, I went to the supermarket and picked up some groceries, along with what I thought was a bag of chips. I ripped it open in the car and realized it was a bag of birdseed. As I spat out the birdseed through the car's open window and tried to clean the mess, a pigeon flew into my car and attacked me. FML
Today, I got a bird as a pet. I thought it would be funny to put it on my head and take a picture. When the flash went off the bird flew off my head and pooped at the same time. You could see it in the picture. FML
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Top comments
MaryJane232323 9
What did you think would happen? They'd all start singing like they do in princess movies?
YayorNay 8
You scared the shit out if them.
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Comments (130)
i8cake 12
You literally scared the shit out of them... What did you expect?
TheCarChanel 0
They sell something for that at Walmart
every1luvsboners 11
Just tell everyone they're racing stripes.
tellithowitis 13
What?
bitchslapped22 14
They didn't fly anywhere, they just shat on his car
mea_iloveskiing 26
Angry birds.
DFlit1 0
**** angry birds! It's just a stupid knock off of the classic game Crush the Castle! Play some classics before u play the new girly PG shit
lifesucks1234567_fml 2
78 I agree 100% modern rip off of crush the castle.
the_gabe254 0
This shouldve been the first comment. Followed by, "you literally scared them shitless, what did you expect?".
robc32ca 4
Moron
THE_A_TEEN 28
You idiot... You're supposed to shoot at the birds, not shout at them. Didn't you used the hunting you bought at wally world? Moron, you deserve to get your car pelted with bird shite...
FYLDeep 26
I think there's at least 4 different illegal things about what you suggested. Probably more.
THE_A_TEEN 28
*Hunting gun God damn it.
reaganomics 6
They have a special bus for people like you....
sillymcjews 0
its called a short bus and you also obviously belong on it
reaganomics 6
the short bus was the implied statement dumb ass, obviously I know what it is, now how long have you been riding it ?
lmaoatall 6
And the lead bird said,'birds of a feather, shit together'.