NSFW: Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever...

hjgjh 27 April 2009, 06:14 United States

Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML

198 comments

Collection

Fall

Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.

Same thing different taste

Anonymous 7 October 2019, 14:00

Sneaky

Today, after losing a battle with ants in my apartment, I just pulled one off that was biting me in the vagina. FML

12 comments

unsuckable 28 August 2015, 06:13 Denver, United States

Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML

61 comments

Anonymous 21 March 2012, 04:50 Canada

Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML

230 comments

drpepperking10 2 July 2016, 23:27 United States

Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML

91 comments

somuchforthat 19 February 2010, 07:38 Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

143 comments

TheStudentNurse 18 November 2016, 00:07

Today, I got bitten at work. Not by a patient's mouth, but by the false teeth they were holding in their hand as they clamped down on my arm. FML

7 comments

YeahItsmecoolhuh 17 February 2011, 06:50 United Arab Emirates

Today, I found a horde of ants in one of my socks when I put it on my foot. FML

74 comments

shitfaced 18 September 2015, 17:30 Sassenheim, Netherlands

Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML

70 comments

Anonymous 31 March 2024, 00:00 Cebu City, Philippines

Jaws

Today, I went to the dentist. She put a spongy thing on my teeth and told me to bite. Her finger was there, so I was confused and… I accidentally bit her finger. FML

2 comments

santasadiekins 17 August 2011, 17:25 United States

Today, I was camping out under the stars on my trampoline. I was just about asleep when I felt a tickle on my arm. Figuring it was an ant, I brushed it off. The rest of the red ants crawling up my arm didn't like that. FML

139 comments

quantumoftruth 0

27 April 2009, 16:05

did you return the favour? bet you didn't you selfish bastard

ZiggyMorrison 0

27 April 2009, 16:04

hahahahaha well depending on your age I wouldnt worry too much perhaps your 12 in which case you've got plenty of time that sounds kinda painful though did it atleast swallow?