hjgjh
United States
Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Sneaky
Today, after losing a battle with ants in my apartment, I just pulled one off that was biting me in the vagina. FML
unsuckable
Denver, United States
Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML
Anonymous
Canada
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
drpepperking10
United States
Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML
somuchforthat
Australia
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
TheStudentNurse
Today, I got bitten at work. Not by a patient's mouth, but by the false teeth they were holding in their hand as they clamped down on my arm. FML
YeahItsmecoolhuh
United Arab Emirates
Today, I found a horde of ants in one of my socks when I put it on my foot. FML
shitfaced
Sassenheim, Netherlands
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Anonymous
Cebu City, Philippines
Jaws
Today, I went to the dentist. She put a spongy thing on my teeth and told me to bite. Her finger was there, so I was confused and… I accidentally bit her finger. FML
santasadiekins
United States
Today, I was camping out under the stars on my trampoline. I was just about asleep when I felt a tickle on my arm. Figuring it was an ant, I brushed it off. The rest of the red ants crawling up my arm didn't like that. FML
Top comments
quantumoftruth 0
did you return the favour? bet you didn't you selfish bastard
ZiggyMorrison 0
hahahahaha well depending on your age I wouldnt worry too much perhaps your 12 in which case you've got plenty of time that sounds kinda painful though did it atleast swallow?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (198)
fatality2009 0
Sooooo WAS IT GOOD? haha xD
Kitty34_fml 0
How do these FMLs make it through?
Jordan10la 0
How? How? How? How? How? How?
nazooer 11
The ant was probably attracted to the peanut butter he was using so his dog to lick him
jarofarts 0
GAH HAHA HHAHAHAHA hahah HAHAHAHA hHAHAHA now this is funny. better luck in the future, man.
jbucklez 0
how about you never come back on FML agian...retard
some1hones 0
bj ... nice
AlyshaDeShae 10
Haha, I feel a combination of pity and uncontrollable laughter. Not even including that an ant was the "first mouth to ever touch it," just the fact that you got bit there is hilarious. What on earth were you doing, playing in the yard naked?!
DeAtH_ScoPe 0
did you bust a nut? or did you bust blood?
pete275 0
that hurst. I bet you're circumcised too