Today, after telling my young kids all about Santa, his reindeer and his sleigh, we saw him. Smoking a cigarette in the beat-up car next to ours at a red light. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML
Today, I took the 6 year old I'm babysitting to the mall to see Santa after weeks of her begging. We got there in time to see him get out of his Prius and dress in the parking lot. FML
Today, I took my kids to the mall to see Santa. While waiting in line, my eldest got bored and loudly complained, "I don't know why we're here. Santa's not even real." I don't think any of the kids within a hundred feet took the news very well. FML
Today, Rudolph's nose burned out. I had to guide the sleigh. FML
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
Today, I was at lunch with my mom and we were talking about how to tell my brother that Santa Claus isn't real. After we finished our conversation, I heard someone crying. Little did I know, two little kids and their parents were sitting in the booth behind me. FML
Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML
Today, my 4-year-old son is distraught. This morning we saw a man, dressed as Santa, passed out drunk on a public bench. My son is now convinced that it was his corpse, and that Santa Claus is dead. FML
Today, my son told me the Christmas letter he wrote to Santa was a joke and he didn't want the stuff he asked for. I already bought everything. FML
Today, my daughter ran up to an old man with a white beard and a red sweater because she thought he might be Santa. He was a homeless dude, drunk at 9 in the morning. He told her to either give him money or f**k off, then screamed at her that "Santa’s not real, grow up r*tard." She’s still crying FML
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Top comments
ICastillo 25
Well times are hard everybody is having a rough time and down grading.
Pleonasm 36
Your kids learnt the grim reality of life. Santa can't hold his job; it's stressful and only comes one a year. The IRS is up his ass and the missus has had more rides from the elves than Santa gets on his sleigh. Everyone copes some how. So merry christmas you jolly bastard. I'll be leaving you my cookies and milk.
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Comments (107)
doglover100 29
The elves are making toys, Santa needed a break.
reelucy 0
so what? if you encourage the greed that believing in Santa entails, they might just end up like that poor broke guy trying to make a living off of parents who feed their children stupid lies about a commercialized holiday. either celebrate what the holiday truly is, or don't celebrate it at all, you deserved it.
winkydog4056 16
Just tell kids Santa smokes from stress of dealing with a bunch of ungrateful little *****.
winkydog4056 16
Oops, spelling error. Uhn-grayt-full little *****.
KiddNYC1O 22
Okay, don't let this taint their overall image of Santa. Just don't let them grow up as smokers.
edmunson 22
If Santa can afford to smoke he either isn't unemployed or isn't smart...wonder if he has a family to feed and still wastes his money on tobacco. That's the sad part of our current times!
Obey_StudBoii 23
Those children will forever be scarred for life, with that image burnt into their mind.
Scotticus117 11
so what? i saw santa wearing a pair of aviators, smoking a cigar, and driving a ford bronco down the interstate last year. his beard was clearly real and i knew it was the real thing lol. didn't know santa was that cool
aztecwarrior1983 1
Just spare them and tell them there is no Santa, it's retarded how we celebrate a Holliday that has nothing to do with it's real meaning.
tdharris9 1
Oh come on, everyone knows Santa smokes menthols!