Today, after telling my young kids all about Santa, his reindeer and his sleigh, we saw him. Smoking a cigarette in the beat-up car next to ours at a red light. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML
Today, I took the 6 year old I'm babysitting to the mall to see Santa after weeks of her begging. We got there in time to see him get out of his Prius and dress in the parking lot. FML
Today, I took my kids to the mall to see Santa. While waiting in line, my eldest got bored and loudly complained, "I don't know why we're here. Santa's not even real." I don't think any of the kids within a hundred feet took the news very well. FML
Today, Rudolph's nose burned out. I had to guide the sleigh. FML
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
Today, I was at lunch with my mom and we were talking about how to tell my brother that Santa Claus isn't real. After we finished our conversation, I heard someone crying. Little did I know, two little kids and their parents were sitting in the booth behind me. FML
Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML
Today, my 4-year-old son is distraught. This morning we saw a man, dressed as Santa, passed out drunk on a public bench. My son is now convinced that it was his corpse, and that Santa Claus is dead. FML
Today, my son told me the Christmas letter he wrote to Santa was a joke and he didn't want the stuff he asked for. I already bought everything. FML
Today, my daughter ran up to an old man with a white beard and a red sweater because she thought he might be Santa. He was a homeless dude, drunk at 9 in the morning. He told her to either give him money or f**k off, then screamed at her that "Santa’s not real, grow up r*tard." She’s still crying FML
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Top comments
ICastillo 25
Well times are hard everybody is having a rough time and down grading.
Pleonasm 36
Your kids learnt the grim reality of life. Santa can't hold his job; it's stressful and only comes one a year. The IRS is up his ass and the missus has had more rides from the elves than Santa gets on his sleigh. Everyone copes some how. So merry christmas you jolly bastard. I'll be leaving you my cookies and milk.
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Comments (107)
xrudeboyrock 29
you know he doesn't really exist, right?
buckdharma 38
The stump of a butt he held tight in his teeth, that when he exhaled made the sound of a queef. He had a broad face and a little round belly, like that fat guy who's blamed for a fart that is smelly. When the light changed he drove off lickity split, and off of his hood slid a big pile of shit. but I heard him exclaim as he roared out of sight, Merry Christmas To All, And To All A Good Night !!!
BaconBoy75 2
That was one of Santa's many helpers who remind us that Santa is busy at the North Pole making toys for good girls and boys.
greeneye_fml 12
Best Santa ever.
Iknowzright 3
I bet tht shattered their vision of Santa.
SuiGeneris01 2
This has bad Santa written all over it
Sentrylegend 3
You do know that Santa is just a stalker i mean seriously he sees you when your sleeping he has a red nose from crack he sneaks into your home at nite and leaves presents for your children, and don't open that tiny rectangular box.
Shade1982 21
Ehm, Rudolf has the red nose, not Santa... Probably the booze though...
ppl2ppl 4
Sounds like home alone to me..
droptableusers 7
I don't get why parents lie to their children about santa, my parents tried it on me when I was small but it just didn't make any sense, so I never really believed them, so they dropped it.