Today, after lunch with my frail, disabled, 87-year-old father, I reached into my purse for lipstick. I didn't recognize the cute cylinder I pulled out, but thinking it was a flashlight, I pressed the little button, spraying my dad and myself in the face with pepper spray. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom bought me pepper spray in case anyone tried to "mess" with me. I put it in my purse. Later, a guy snatched my purse before I even had the chance to take out the pepper spray. FML
Today, to protect me from the 'bad people' out there, my mom bought some pepper spray. While trying to test it, I accidentally sprayed myself in the eyes. Now, every person I meet asks me what I've been crying about. FML
Today, while on the bus, I took out my breath spray. The elderly lady beside me thought it was pepper spray. She panicked and started screaming, which culminated in the man near her punching me in the jaw. FML
Today, my roommate showed me that her pepper spray had expired, so I decided to test it on myself. It worked. FML
Today, I was trying to change the batteries of my automatic room freshener. As I held it to my face to figure out where the batteries went, it started spraying on my face. FML
Today, while in a pharmacy, I walked over to the shaving cream aisle. I picked up a can to smell it and unknowingly pushed the button, spraying an old guy in front of me. He freaked out and started telling everyone that the ceiling above him was leaking. FML
Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML
Today, I got mugged. But luckily I had on my keyring the pepper spray that my husband had insisted I keep with me. Unlucky for me, my husband's co-worker, who borrowed my keys, emptied my pepper by spraying it on a brick wall one day when he was bored. FML
Today, I took my father to a hockey game. He always has to get pictures with the girls, so while in bag check, he used his breath spray. He got me in the eye, and I was temporarily blinded through most of the first period. FML
Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML
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Top comments
cmc9540 4
what do you mean you didn't recognize it. it was in YOUR purse which would mean YOU put it in there which means YOU should know what it is. I don't understand how you didn't recognize it.
lionandthelamb61 9
idiot. how would you no know that wa in there?
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Comments (119)
SOCALME 3
first? :D not to be a douche
JackDark 0
Well it is douchey. Dear God, OP. YDI for carrying pepper spray for one. And also, why would a flashlight have a nozzle at the top? If you want it for self-defence, learn some martial arts.
fagboobsrofl 0
lol douche
_Jonah_ 0
Lol i completely thought it was gonna be something else cylindrical with a button on it that you pulled out your purse infront of your dad.
starxshine 0
lol 25
passionpitpanda 5
soo...the lipstick has a button?
lionandthelamb61 9
idiot. how would you no know that wa in there?
lionandthelamb61 9
*was
lionandthelamb61 9
*not
turtlemansam 6
U fale at speling
lionandthelamb61 9
no, my phone fails at typing
fagboobsrofl 0
lol learn to spell fagdouche
JackDark 0
You fail at spelling*
flyersfan365 0
how does pepper spray resemble a flashlight at all and the button to a pepper spray is at the top I smell the bs
kotomi 0
that ^ and lol @ 13
the_flirtt 0
suprised you didn't kill him.
RyGan 0
This was one of the few FMLs where I feel truly sorry for OP
zakkaisftw 0
you *fail at *spellings to so shut up
WYITO 0
Don't you just love how people are correcting 13's post some people have no humour. Example "Your spelling is terrible" "No, I'm a perfekt speler."
ohSNAPyall 27
No, you fail at typing because you didn't look at your comment before posting. It's not a big deal, but don't blame an inanimate object for something that's under your control. Just itchin to be 1st post is my guess (which you also failed at doing).
metal8214 0
god, just shut the hell up
Silentstrike 11
52 you put "you fail at spellings so shut up" you shut up because you failed too.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
1: My husband and family have a habit of putting stuff in my purse without my knowledge, either to carry for them or because they think I need it. It's annoying.
MnBran6 0
23 - How do I shot sarcasm?
Izzicasey 18
Fail*
DoomSkuller 28
It could've been someone else's purse and was the exact same model
xxxbooxxx 16
oh dear..
AbsoluteTurtle 0
why is a 50+ year old on fml?
xxxbooxxx 16
WTF?!
MelPru 15
LOL
LittleMissShani 0
Haha ohhh that sucks did it burnnnn?(;
blankettt 0
Really?
MagicalPegicorn 0
Did it?
Mauskau 36
Did he die?
A_Khalifa 0
HeyLookOverThere 3
...And what was his reaction?
actionwaters 3
probably something to the effect of "AHHHBBBBBBAVAVAVAVABAAGAGAHAHAGAHAAGHAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
LightningrodC 3
That burns.
fagboobsrofl 0
your mom burns lol fag you got burned fag lol
fagboobsrofl 0
grow someballs faguido
samanthadude 0
In addition to #3: How could you not tell the difference between a flashlight and pepper spray? FYFather'sLife. I'm guessing his eyes are a lot more vulnerable than yours.
astroid714 0
if I was ur dad ..... slap across the face..... no I'm just playin but I would be mad
slackinc 0
She got away with spraying him, you know, because he's old and frail. He cant do anything 'cept curse her under his breath. I feel bad for the dad.
Hump_Zilla 0
if I was your dad I'd disown you for bring a dumb ****
hidingoutt7 0
why would you have a flash light in your purse?
fagboobsrofl 0
Ito **** your mom with
GoKickRocks 1
I have one in mine. A little one for emergencies. >.<
starile 20
Why would she not recognize her own pepper spray? And even if she knew she had a flashlight in her purse, she should have been able to recognize it, too.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Please see #93, under #2.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Oops, meant #92, under #3. Moar coffeez pleez.
YouSuckAtLove 0
you keep flashlights in your purse? in mid-day?
kybabyy 4
Most people don't have different purses for different times of the day o_0
kybabyy 4
I haven't been here in a while, but back in the day, the worst posts were in reply to #1. Generally, the posts towards the bottom just repeated each other, with the occasional glimmer of intelligence. :p
QwertyMcNugget 0
;O Uhhhhmehgawsh. I luuuuuuuuuuuuve ah your shirt.
YouSuckAtLove 0
thanks for the love.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
It's not just you, oc. This one's nearly as bad as the thieving sister one.
1221jamw 11
is your name Damian by any chance