Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my stepdad punched me in the face after I told him I hated him. He and my mom came in 10 minutes later to try to convince me that I'd made it up in my head that he'd punched me. My face was still red. FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to scare my dad for once, since he has scared me for fun dozens of times. It would have been funny, had he not punched me in the face. FML
Today, my sister punched me in the face. My dad was actually annoyed with me when I told him. He said I'll never be a "real man" if I can't take a hit from a girl. FML
Today, I was trying to take a nice picture of my dad but he was just doing stupid-looking poses, so I got mad and told him to "stop acting like a prostitute" without knowing what that even means. Keep in mind, this was also in front of my mum and oldest sister. FML
Today, I tried to hang up a light and, in my clumsiness, got shocked. My dad started screaming at me for yelling out. FML
Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML
Today, my father decided to "prepare" me for the real world by telling me that I'm ugly. FML
Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML
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Top comments
Dave_Davington 34
I want to buy your dad a drink.
myeverydaymylife 21
And then you take a selfie of you with him in the background, setting you on fire. All about that #selfie
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Comments (99)
Darknyan 10
Maybe you should've taken a selfie with him.
tournamentdecide 33
Do you realize a groupie is someone who follows bands around?
LexiDaBae 17
27, it's an "ussie", not a groupie.
sjbartholome 14
@29, Do you realize that some words have more than one definition? Probably not based on your comment there.
cjwayy 22
Do you all realize that it's all just pop culture and you all need to chill?
tournamentdecide 33
You know, people aren't quite fond of dicks. Which definition would you like to be for that word? The crusty, wrinkly appendage or a jerk?
HersheySquirts 17
#45 your coment had me on the edge.....Horrible visualizations.
BassinBoy14 13
45- The description of crusty... I'm not sure weather you've never seen one, or you've made choices with very unhygienic men...
tournamentdecide 33
I made it as gross sounding as possible because I imagine that person like so.
Zougibourg_fml 6
It's actually a dussie. Uh no sorry it's a tuggy
tellyc 27
YDI
myeverydaymylife 21
And then you take a selfie of you with him in the background, setting you on fire. All about that #selfie
JoshTheTacoMan 19
Whether or not you deserve it depends on the context.
Arwen_Evenstar 37
Well, setting her alight seems slightly over the top even if she is a "selfie taker". Hard to argue against a good punch in the face if she is, though...
junkman6 22
You have a good dad.
Dave_Davington 34
I want to buy your dad a drink.
LostInTheZone11 29
If I was 21 I would buy him a case of beer for that comment.
badluckalex 23
go home 16, youre drunk
LostInTheZone11 29
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
1. Wrong use of "your". The correct use is "you're". 2. I don't know why I got down-voted. I'm from the US, and not of legal age. I was saying, if I was 21+ I would have bought OP's dad a case of beer for his comment.
Googolman 29
You got downvoted because people didn't like your comment, so quit whining about it. There's nothing more annoying when people try to defend themselves after having a comment downvoted. Also, 49 didn't even say "your", he said "you're". So, the only real mistake he made was leaving out the apostrophe, which was likely only a typing error.
NotGabe 28
But first, let me take a selfie.
vairyhagina 11
You, are hilarious. I did not see that coming.
sdroze1389 31
I can't say I blame him. I would have added "after you're ablaze, I would quell the inferno with a mighty stream of urine"
junkman6 22
You mean gasoline right?
garrett_8614 14
Yea you might be taking it a little too far #8
shay_serendipity 29
Are you okay #8..?
Martinez0285 28
I would have to agree with pops
tellyc 27
YDI