Today, after having lost 11 pounds following my pregnancy, I felt sexy and put on a cute outfit for my husband. When he walked into the bedroom, he ended up passing me three times, and then went to bed without a word. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband returned from a 6-week business trip. During that time, I put myself on a very strict diet/exercise regimen so I could surprise him with a hefty weight loss. He took one look at me and demanded to know who I was fucking on the side. Yeah, because that’s the only reason I lost weight. FML
Today, I saw my boyfriend after not seeing him for 7 months. During this time, I have lost a lot of weight and am proud of it. My boyfriend didn't say anything about the lost weight. When we were alone and things started to heat up, he took off my bra and said, "I think your tits are smaller." FML
Today, I was trying to be sexy and change in front of my boyfriend. As I was changing, he started to talk to me about how we should both try and lose weight. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML
Today, after losing twenty pounds to please my husband, the only comment I received was, "At least now only your personality sucks." FML
Today, I tried to be sexy and asked my husband of 6 years if he wanted to "put a baby in me." He shook the recent belly fat I gained and asked, "Is there room for a baby in there?" FML
Today, I was proudly telling my husband that I only gained 8 lbs throughout the pregnancy thus far. I usually obsess over my weight, so it was a great accomplishment for me. He then turned and pinched my arms, saying, "Well, looks like all the fat migrated to your arms." FML
Today, my husband has lost over a hundred pounds. I'm happy for him, but now he has an incredibly high sex drive and keeps asking for sex almost every day, sometimes twice a day. FML
Today, I put on my new sexy lingerie to get my husband in the mood after work. When I walked into the kitchen where he was reading the newspaper, he eyed me and simply said, "Honey, please, your stomach is the biggest turnoff ever." FML
Today, I learned that my husband is attracted to obese, unhealthy women after celebrating my weight loss of 175lbs and improving my overall health. FML
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Top comments
patacus 14
maybe he just has a headache
SqueakyChipmunk 22
No, it's called surprise intercourse. Rape is what today's music does to my ears.
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Comments (49)
wan2knowu 3
maybe it should have been 21 pounds.
friedbunnies 9
Only 11 lbs? Not dramatic at all.
blooperlala 1
Well you're nice for putting in the effort to dress up for him. I'm sure he's going to be in the mood the next time round (:
eddiemd 0
hey he works haha
kitkattgirl 2
You said, "cute," not "sexy." Cute doesn't work as planned. Sexy works all the time. And getting a man to do anything or notice anything without being verbal has a high failure rate. But they will notice you if you're not wearing anything. Try that next time, even if you're not in the best shape. If it's your husband, he won't care.
Kendrax0x 0
:( I bet you look amazing!
eash 10
In my opinion, no woman can be sexy after pregnancy, no matter how much weight they lose.
mkcherry 14
Hope you invest in a vasectomy then.
_EnderDoge 22
I've got the funniest image in my head. This could come straight out of a cartoon.
randybryant799 21
Maybe you should use your words.