Today, after having lost 11 pounds following my pregnancy, I felt sexy and put on a cute outfit for my husband. When he walked into the bedroom, he ended up passing me three times, and then went to bed without a word. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my husband returned from a 6-week business trip. During that time, I put myself on a very strict diet/exercise regimen so I could surprise him with a hefty weight loss. He took one look at me and demanded to know who I was fucking on the side. Yeah, because that’s the only reason I lost weight. FML
Today, I saw my boyfriend after not seeing him for 7 months. During this time, I have lost a lot of weight and am proud of it. My boyfriend didn't say anything about the lost weight. When we were alone and things started to heat up, he took off my bra and said, "I think your tits are smaller." FML
Today, I was trying to be sexy and change in front of my boyfriend. As I was changing, he started to talk to me about how we should both try and lose weight. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML
Today, after losing twenty pounds to please my husband, the only comment I received was, "At least now only your personality sucks." FML
Today, I tried to be sexy and asked my husband of 6 years if he wanted to "put a baby in me." He shook the recent belly fat I gained and asked, "Is there room for a baby in there?" FML
Today, I was proudly telling my husband that I only gained 8 lbs throughout the pregnancy thus far. I usually obsess over my weight, so it was a great accomplishment for me. He then turned and pinched my arms, saying, "Well, looks like all the fat migrated to your arms." FML
Today, my husband has lost over a hundred pounds. I'm happy for him, but now he has an incredibly high sex drive and keeps asking for sex almost every day, sometimes twice a day. FML
Today, I put on my new sexy lingerie to get my husband in the mood after work. When I walked into the kitchen where he was reading the newspaper, he eyed me and simply said, "Honey, please, your stomach is the biggest turnoff ever." FML
Today, I learned that my husband is attracted to obese, unhealthy women after celebrating my weight loss of 175lbs and improving my overall health. FML
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Top comments
patacus 14
maybe he just has a headache
SqueakyChipmunk 22
No, it's called surprise intercourse. Rape is what today's music does to my ears.
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Comments (49)
unknown_user5566 27
I've learned that men cannot read minds. To you, a woman, a sexy outfit should obviously signal that you want to get down and dirty. Your husband probably didn't pick up on that. Next time just sneak up behind him and whisper in his ear that you want him, now. That should do the trick. ;)
Dracoboxer357 36
17- My God! You, a woman, has figured that Men aren't telepathic!? Oh thank you for understanding!!! ;D *Tease!* Actually, I do agree with you though, subtle doesn't work with men a lot, sorry. :p Clear and definite, always preferred, thanks. :) (Of course, if my wife didn't normally wear sexy undies, and suddenly one day she does, I'd say something nice about it to encourage that behaviour, but maybe that's just me!) ;)
unknown_user5566 27
Live & learn, my friend... live & learn. ;) I've had enough of those "how did you not realize ...." conversations with my husband to finally give up on the subtle approach, and just be straightforward.
DjeePee 25
If her husband doesn't link a sexy outfit with 'wife wants sex', I sincerely doubt the sneaking up and whiskering in his ear part will be effective. Yes, men can't read subtle signals as good as women, but come on, since when is wearing (probably) very sexy lingerie a subtle signal? In my opinion, it's difficult to be more straightforward than that.
unknown_user5566 27
Dj, OP says "cute" outfit, which doesn't lead me to believe she threw on a pair of crotchless panties and a sexy bra. The suggestion of "whispering in his ear" is made effective and extremely straightforward by what she says while whispering; in the case of my suggestion ("I want you, now"), the whispering would be much more obvious than throwing on a cute outfit.
agonydrum 7
17, you should start a school for women, or on the inverse for men, I hate subtle crap I always miss it
downtime 13
If she wasn't sitting on his face it was too subtle.
drush127 3
Giggity
actingpickle09 3
Maybe my husband is just different, but regardless of if the outfit I throw on is "cute" or "sexy" he knows that it means that I want sex.
olpally 33
I guess he doesn't want "breakfast" at tiffany's... (look at username)
RaveBlade 4
Wouldve been funnier if you wouldnt of precised :) but still deserves a thumbs up ;)
Austyn57 1
u prob passed him up to...paybacks a witch
Brattyninja 7
Learn to spell. And maybe she never "passed him up" and you're just being a douchebag. Payback's a bitch, isn't it Sweet cheeks?
dmblonde 13
That's why you should have just been naked. That always works for me :)
Googolman 29
It is really starting to get annoying how nearly every woman does not think about anything other than sex. We guys need some space.
unknown_user5566 27
I hope that's sarcasm.
Kiki242 19
How did you come to that conclusion? She did this because she was feeling sexy and was getting her figure back. I don't see how you could automatically come to the conclusion that not only the OP but nearly all women think about is sex. Also there are FMLs where the guy is turned down for sex.
quite_bored 9
He's just bitter they aren't interested in sex with him.
parduezs 6
Right? I feel so objectified! ;)
Osito2011 9
Op's husband probably feels so used and abused!
BoratSagdiyev 2
Call me.
clueless05 12
Maybe.
wrathdaotaku 2
He's having an affair
SenselessPattern 12
Took the words right out of your ass, didn't you? *shoves face in it* No, no, no, we do that outside! Bad assumption, bad!
DocBastard 40
If you have a newborn, you're lucky the two of you are awake at all. Those little rug rats have a way of sapping all your energy.
Iknowsomestuff 9
Sorry he didn't notice but congratulations on losing 11 pounds! That's a terrific accomplishment.
ajtsm 0
That's all well and good but how big did you balloon to? 11 pounds may be the tip of the mountain if you know what I'm saying...
unknown_user5566 27
I'm going to make the wild assumption that you're not married.
ajtsm 0
I've been married 8 years. I wouldn't be so much of an asshole to turn my wife down under this set of circumstances however some men are assholes. As a man I can help provide some perspective. I'm just different to many men as I believe in employing emotions from time to time. Others don't.