Today, I again had to quietly sneak in through my bedroom window. I don't live with my parents. I go through my window because my cat thinks everyone who walks in through the door at night is a burglar or something and attacks them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I experienced the fright of a lifetime when I woke up and heard my bedroom door opening. Fearing that there was an intruder, I picked up a bat and opened the door, ready to whack the mystery intruder. There was no one there. No one, except my cat, who apparently knows how to open doors now. FML
Today, I spent an hour in my car terrified to go inside because I thought my house was being burgled. I saw rapid shadows in the light of my lounge. Eventually I plucked up the courage to creep inside with a rock to find it wasn't a robber. It was my cats, fighting in front of a toppled lamp. FML
Today, I left my apartment window open for some fresh air. When I returned, my idiot cat was on the balcony staring at me... from my neighbor’s apartment. FML
Today, I snuck out of the house for a night on the town. When I got back, I found all the doors and windows bolted shut. My sister's laughing face at my bedroom window suggests I'll be spending the rest of the night outside. FML
Today, after I was locked out of my apartment, I went down the leaf-filled ravine behind the building to get to the fire escape ladder, climbed up four stories and over the balcony, then wiggled through the window on my stomach onto the living room floor. Now I'm back inside and paranoid about robbers doing the same. FML
Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML
Today, my cat tried to escape when I opened my front door. I noticed that whenever I start babbling and making random sounds, he stops dead and just stares at me in confusion, before walking back in. With my luck, however, this time my neighbor heard everything. They walked quickly away, as if they'd seen a ghost. FML
Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and I noticed the balcony door was open. As I went to go close it, I swear I saw my cat wondering outside and I panicked. Long story short, I locked myself out searching for the cat and the next thing I knew, he was meowing at me from the balcony a few feet above me. FML
Today, I was locked out of my house. With no other available option, I decided to try and ninja my way through a window. However, as it turns out, I would make a terrible ninja. I now have a sprained ankle and a broken window. FML
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Top comments
rg350dx 29
You should buy one of those attack dog suits the police use to train their dogs. You'd be invincible! Or a giant scratching post..
chris274 8
Your cat's just protecting you, and itself from cat burglars.
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Comments (130)
golden_warrior 23
You have a pussy as a bodyguard
rg350dx 29
You should buy one of those attack dog suits the police use to train their dogs. You'd be invincible! Or a giant scratching post..
Jjimen1654 9
OP is the giant scratching post.
lilhellian 27
Just get a laserpointer. No cat can resist it.
MrConcise 35
@37 - If only that were true. Mine don't seem to understand the concept and are content to staring at me as though I'm crazy.
chris274 8
Your cat's just protecting you, and itself from cat burglars.
yawateverok 10
cats cant think?
Imhere4fml 24
You sir, will be the first to go by them.
MzZombicidal 36
Really? "Cats can't think"? Cats are just as smart as dogs, just not as driven to learn tricks. Their brains aren't as useless as yours may be.
deathy94 14
Well at least no cat burglar is going to come in.
KiddoKS 19
Unless the burglar comes in the window
DaniPandi 22
You mean, unless the burglar comes _intruder_ window.
Pleonasm 36
Here comes the onslaught of pussy jokes.... right after the onslaught of piss-poor jokes on the previous FML. Hooray for the cliché FMLs.
PaigeLeeAnn11 23
Arm yourself with a spray bottle.
uptown_16 9
more like a bucket of water
FightMyLiger 19
A bucket of water... with a lid. Problem solved. YDI for letting your pet run your house. Now make it rain, you crazy catlovers.
ViviMage 40
My cat calls that dastardly weapon the "wet catarizer"!
IHazNoUsername 9
Well, it might stop attacking, but that will probably backfire when it actually is a cat burglar or someone with similar intentions.
Ameel_fml 19
I know cats have a painful scratch, but is it really worth climbing through your window just to avoid your cat? I'd be investing in some behavioral/temperament training for the cat tbh.
doodlecloud 27
Yeah, plus if they go through the window instead the cat's never going to learn. It's just going to think OP magically appears in her room and never uses the door, meaning if someone is at the door it can't be OP....by giving in they're just prooving the cat right.
Doribella98 14
The guy from the tv show "My Cat from Hell" could solve this cat issue lol
DocBastard 40
So according to your cat, the door is for burglars and the window is for the owner? Your cat needs to straighten its priorities.
Pleonasm 36
It's phase one in establishing total domination over this petty domicile. The bigger picture is utter annihilation of the human race in the long run, but for now, just purr and watch the puny human climb through the window.
gc327072 31
First they put us out by making us do ridiculous things to keep them happy. Then they /take/ us out while we sleep. A master plan, indeed.
ottokat 15
Sounds like there's a catburglar in town. I apologize for that one, that really bites, OP.
kim_larsa 5
Maybe you could put your cat locked up in the bathroom when you go out?
M3DIC4T3 29
How would you like being locked away in a bathroom each time your owner / parents / roommates / significant other leaves the house?
jarrettd 27
64. If i beat the crap out of my neighbor every time he/she entered my house to say hi. I would deserve to be locked the the bathroom.
kim_larsa 5
It's just a few hours. It's not like he doesn't have food and a litter box in there.
Sputnikspak 13
I wouldn't lock my cat in a bathroom. If we have to lock him up (like if the door is going to be open for a while, to keep him from escaping) we put him in a bedroom with his litter, food and water. Then at least there's a cozy place to sleep.