Today, after coming home from school, I found that two birds had made a nest above the porch light. This wouldn't be a problem if they stopped attacking me every time I get within 5 feet of them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'd had enough of the annoying bird constantly singing in the shrillest bird voice possible outside of my window, so I chased it around the yard, shooing it away, as my cat sat there and watched. FML
Today, I found the eggshells from the nest belonging to the little bird that lives outside my house. They were covered in blood and it was quite obvious that they had been eaten. While I was looking at them, the mother bird came over and attacked me. FML
Today, I was designing a newspaper page with a story about an aggressive female bird that was defending its nest and attacking students near some stairs. In the article were photos of victims who were attacked. We had a good laugh over it. Later, I was walking past there and the bird attacked me. FML
Today, I found out that when you chase a couple of squirrels off your porch for irritating your dogs, sometimes they chase you back. FML
Today, I went to clean my roof when something buzzed by my head and a sting hit my neck. It turns out there's a small nest of, like, five hornets just chilling outside of my window. I found a dead one on the desk in my bedroom. FML
Today, there’s been birds nesting in my wall since mid winter. They’ve recently started scratching at the wall as if they wanted to get through. This morning, they made their entrance. FML
Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up, and attacked my face. FML
Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4 a.m.; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML
Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML
Today, after having a 3-day vacation and feeling a bit bummed that it was over, I got home to find a black widow watching her babies hatch in my office window. FML
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Top comments
HowAreYouToday 34
Angry birds IRL.
Zebediabolical 45
Get the pigs to help you out!
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Comments (80)
noelasis94 18
You are the chosen one my friend, embrace your new found power.
DDCA 24
Borrow your neighbor's cat.
stormchaser24 24
I had a similar problem, I was doing yard work and was attacked by two brown thrashers. I was about 10 feet from the nest. Maybe use the another door for 2-3 weeks.
Kiki242 19
Bebe gun time.
perdix 31
There's no such thing as a gun to shoot French babies.
Enslaved 38
I read "Bebe" like it was "Bebe's kids" "We don't die, we multiply!"
flockz 20
the Bebe store sells women's clothing, not guns. what are you implying?
perdix 31
You can build an effective scarecrow out of a blow-up doll. (Don't ask me how I know ;) ) To get rid of the birds, just do that "The Wizard of Oz" song, "If I Only Had a Rubber ******."
gurly98 13
Cause you make me feeeeeel like, I've been Locked out of Heeeaaaven, For too loooooooooong For too loooooooooong If you thumbs this down, you would have absolutely no idea how this song realates to this FML.
GrammarNazis 6
Then I guess I don't know how they relate to each other, nor do (number of people who have thumbed this down) people.
ohjoy15 33
@#35 I think 22 was attempting to make a reference to OP's username. It didn't work though... At all...
xALEXx_fml 15
Attack them back!
CalamityJane2 5
The same thing happened to me at my house! Only it was really sad and my dad had to remove the nest and unfourtunately the eggs smashed on the ground:(
t_raw1234 11
Get a pellet gun and shoot them.
anonymousguy1569_fml_fml 8
They are birds. Tell them you love them and want a meaningful relationship. They'll be leaving you alone very quickly!
Enslaved 38
They're birds, not player boyfriends. :P