Today, after a twelve week dry spell followed by an eight week one, I decided to take a bit more initiative at seducing my girlfriend. Not only was she "not in the mood" again, but she offered me Trident Layers gum instead. She apparently thought that it was a fair trade. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML
Today, my girlfriend came home with new condoms: Manix Endurance containing a numbing gel designed to help me "last longer". FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, I was trying on lingerie in the dressing room of Victoria’s Secret with my boyfriend next to me. I told my him in a seductive, playful tone “You can stay and watch if you give me a piece of your gum.” He said “No I only have three more” and left the room. FML
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Today, I was laying in bed making out with a girl. After trying to figure out for a while why she was spending so much time on my neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She failed. FML
Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, my wife decided to end our dry spell of four months and started dry humping and kissing me in bed. Things were going well until she orgasmed from the activity and declared that she was too tired to do any more, rolled over, and fell asleep. Five months or bust. FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML
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Top comments
spinky03 7
Maybe you're not doing it right.
Pwib 14
Brush your teeth.
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Comments (236)
CalliGrl 1
That's a big hint to get a new girlfriend
CBsmurf22 0
Your breathe stinks dude
mattorama 15
Why the hell are you wasting your time with a girl who goes two and three months without having sex in the first place?
Kresaera 2
If I didn't want to have sex for 12 weeks, my husband would think I was extremely ill and would need a doctor. Something is going on with her if she is not giving it up for 3 months at a time. I agree, sex isn't everything but it definitely is something. I think sex brings us closer emotionally and spiritually.
JayJaysGirl 0
Have you TASTED Trident Layers? That's a unfair trade on her part!
project1174 1
Brother, If you have a girlfriend and have dry spells(plural even) THAT long it might be time to move on.
speedy420 0
tell that b!tch to go *** herself and make you a sandwich. then find a girl that actually wants to ***. then, like every woman does, she'll realize what a douche I was and come back to you. poof! you just got the upper hand
pennamay 11
She probably is trying to tell you to brush your teeth.
C94_ 0
FYL
thatsabiggun 11
dont judge ur gf too quick cuz that shit is GOOD!