Today, after a huge heartbreak and a night of crying, I wake up to an empty house. I go in the kitchen to make breakfast and see a note on the counter saying "We heard you crying last night and didn't want to hear you complaining this morning, so we went to the mall. - Mom" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home to find that my mother had cleaned my room, and she'd done a very good job, too. So good in fact, that she even managed to remove all of the furniture, replacing it with a note that said, "It's time to go, sweetie XO". FML
Today, I fell asleep at my boyfriend’s house and missed my curfew. It’s almost 4 a.m. Scrambling, I arrived home to find the locks changed. On the door knob was a note: “Go live with your boyfriend, you slut. See if he cooks and cleans up after you. I’ll help you move out your stuff in the morning. - Mom” FML
Today, I came home to my empty apartment. My girlfriend had left a note on the floor that said: "Took my stuff and left. Took your stuff and pawned it." FML
Today, as I sat on my couch heartbroken from a very recent breakup, my mother walked up to me and in a very comforting voice said, "Maybe he left you for someone else." FML
Today, I went to my 19 year-old daughter’s apartment when I heard her baby crying. I have a spare key so I opened the door to find her crying in her rocker. I called my daughter and it turns out she went on a weekend to Malibu with her friends and she “left her some milk and a bowl of Cheerios. She’ll be alright.” FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to break down and cry because his mother hates me for unknown reasons. I walked in, gave him a long hug, and started sobbing. I then saw his mother. She was visiting him to complain about how terrible a person I am. FML
Today, I was feeling depressed. I overheard my mom crying on the phone. She said, “If my daughter kills herself, who’s going to do the dishes?” FML
Today, at midnight, I heard my son calling for his mom. I stopped by his room and asked him what was wrong? He didn't tell me. Instead, he said: "Oh, I don't need you." FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I came back home in tears, and eventually told my dad what was wrong. He immediately excused himself to the living room, where I heard him tell my mum, "She's gone all Taylor Swift again." FML
Today, I was crying after having argued with my boyfriend. My mom saw me, she asked, "Why are you crying? Don't you have homework to do?" FML
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Top comments
KingDingALing 9
The next time you hear them having sex, write a note that says "Heard you and dad having sex. You sounded like a donkey taking a soccer ball up the ass. Didn't want to be here for the awkward moment. -(OP's name)"
lionandthelamb61 9
Damn. Tell them to bring you back some of those roasted nuts in the cone, because that ***** da bomb.
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Comments (108)
sunnysurfchick 0
maybe you should take a good look at yourself if your own mother doesn't want to try to help console you in this time of need than maybe this is some type of pattern for you and thats why your old man left you.
SneakherHead 5
How thoughtful if them to do that
Somedood117 0
I have a feeling they are not ate the mall.
Kthxbaibbq 0
55 is win. Fake your suicide. Leave a note on the bathroom door, put some red food coloring in the bath, get in and lay still when they get home. Maybe put a washcloth on your private areas to remove any chance of it being funny to a sick family like that. No offense.
MrFlintstone 5
I don't like talking to my mom when she's upset it's weird and uncomfortable
vettle 6
geez, would have been nicer to just say nothing! oh my.
vodkaliciouz 4
aw sorry that sucks.. knowing how much they 'care', it wouldnt make that much difference too if they had stayed at home.
CabZ_fml 0
You're family left you home alone because they probably thought it'd be better for you to just be alone and recover.. breaking up is a b_tch but you'll get over it OP, time heals everything. Feel better.
fthku 13
What is it about FML that attracts so many people who have the most loser moms ever? Seriously, every other FML says almost the exact same thing as what OP's mom does. Whether or not OP adds dramais whineywhatever, the mom totally failed being at least a DECENT mom.
nae_nae7890 0
maybe they went to get you an auntie annie's pretzel and a DQ smoothie to help you get through this... =
Acousticpixie14 6
Oh God....now I want that!