Today, after a huge heartbreak and a night of crying, I wake up to an empty house. I go in the kitchen to make breakfast and see a note on the counter saying "We heard you crying last night and didn't want to hear you complaining this morning, so we went to the mall. - Mom" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home to find that my mother had cleaned my room, and she'd done a very good job, too. So good in fact, that she even managed to remove all of the furniture, replacing it with a note that said, "It's time to go, sweetie XO". FML
Today, I fell asleep at my boyfriend’s house and missed my curfew. It’s almost 4 a.m. Scrambling, I arrived home to find the locks changed. On the door knob was a note: “Go live with your boyfriend, you slut. See if he cooks and cleans up after you. I’ll help you move out your stuff in the morning. - Mom” FML
Today, I came home to my empty apartment. My girlfriend had left a note on the floor that said: "Took my stuff and left. Took your stuff and pawned it." FML
Today, as I sat on my couch heartbroken from a very recent breakup, my mother walked up to me and in a very comforting voice said, "Maybe he left you for someone else." FML
Today, I went to my 19 year-old daughter’s apartment when I heard her baby crying. I have a spare key so I opened the door to find her crying in her rocker. I called my daughter and it turns out she went on a weekend to Malibu with her friends and she “left her some milk and a bowl of Cheerios. She’ll be alright.” FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to break down and cry because his mother hates me for unknown reasons. I walked in, gave him a long hug, and started sobbing. I then saw his mother. She was visiting him to complain about how terrible a person I am. FML
Today, I was feeling depressed. I overheard my mom crying on the phone. She said, “If my daughter kills herself, who’s going to do the dishes?” FML
Today, at midnight, I heard my son calling for his mom. I stopped by his room and asked him what was wrong? He didn't tell me. Instead, he said: "Oh, I don't need you." FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I came back home in tears, and eventually told my dad what was wrong. He immediately excused himself to the living room, where I heard him tell my mum, "She's gone all Taylor Swift again." FML
Today, I was crying after having argued with my boyfriend. My mom saw me, she asked, "Why are you crying? Don't you have homework to do?" FML
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Top comments
KingDingALing 9
The next time you hear them having sex, write a note that says "Heard you and dad having sex. You sounded like a donkey taking a soccer ball up the ass. Didn't want to be here for the awkward moment. -(OP's name)"
lionandthelamb61 9
Damn. Tell them to bring you back some of those roasted nuts in the cone, because that ***** da bomb.
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Comments (108)
manzanita2121 6
haha #29 is a hater!
Kelita 0
yes I'm Soooo hatein on her unbrushed nappy hair!! oh I'm also hatein on your nasty armpit that looks like it needs a wash hehe
phatdaddy62 23
It's because you're a whiner . . . . so stop whining!
Quiet_one 22
I want to say this is an FML, but there's this nagging feeling at the back of my mind that their 'escape' is a little bit too thought out. You typically don't have a well-planned exit strategy for this kind of situation unless you know from experience that there's a reason to need one...
imaginaryvoice 18
Do you happen to be five years old?
kweenbitch 0
LMFAO!!!
BWill9014 4
Before I can even begin to determine if it was really wrong of her to do that I would have know how often you have these "heart breaks"
mask724 7
basically your family is saying grow a spine and get over it
Alekyork 0
Fake your suicide. That'll show em!
germanyLover 3
omg! u hav such a sensitive and loving mom!!
Mooshki 0
Sounds like you're a drama queen, and they're over it.
tucansam555 3
I wouldve went