Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a few friends over. Wanting to seem cool, I yelled at my girlfriend to get me a beer. She chucked four bottles at my head. All my friends cheered her on. FML
Today, I came home to pandemonium: the kids screaming, the house a mess, wet laundry, no food made, and my wife in her office. After cleaning, making dinner, putting everything away, and getting the kids to sleep, I grabbed myself a beer. My wife saw it and said, "You're kidding, right?" FML
Today, I invited a few of my co-workers over to play video games. Within an hour, my wife had gotten drunk, grabbed my controller, told me to "get back in the kitchen", and described to everyone in blood-chilling detail how she took her first boyfriend's virginity. FML
Today, my husband invited 20 of his friends over, no discussion, just 20 strangers in my house. I got mad and went upstairs to our bedroom, which has an en suite shower. I got naked, and yet another dude came out of our en suite and walked right past my bare ass while I screamed. FML
Today, my wife made me go with her to dinner with her parents, despite their long-standing hatred of me. Later on, my mother-in-law muttered to me, "I made yours special for ya", smirked, then made a show of scratching at her butt-crack. FML
Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer, and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML
Today, I brought a girl back to my place. She commented on how neat and clean everything was for a bachelor. I absentmindedly said, “Yeah, my mom comes over and cleans three times a week.” She made a face like I'd just told her I eat puppies or something, then made an excuse to leave. FML
Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML
Today, my mom tried to worm her way back into my life by manipulating my brother into doing the dirty work for her. I pretended to swallow the bullshit and invited her over, just so I could slam the door in her face. My brother says I went too far, like he somehow forgot what a shit mom she was. FML
Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML
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Top comments
About3goats 0
Dick
kpacek330 0
asshole. did you really think you'd get sympathy by posting this?
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Comments (472)
About3goats 0
Dick
ThePwnapple 0
He doesn't deserve it. The man brings home the bacon. She should be slapped.
Alex_The_Human 2
why are you trying to be cool op? you have a wife and she's the only person you have to prove anything to, and you already ****** that up asshole.
whisperingeye13 0
It was a joke and she burned him back. no one is an asshole it's just a joke jesus
rallets 23
Penis.
phatdaddy62 23
wang
LolAtYourFail 12
****
LolAtYourFail 12
****
instnt1nfction 17
wiener
LoneStarTexan 6
******
therealsuperman 0
Pecker
43trauts 14
I voted for this to be on here and I agree with number 1
Withired_Away 0
C-C-Combo breaker
Alpha35 4
you sir are a moron... and not coooool
JennaMason 6
amen.
jmac317 0
fuckme 205
HunterDanielle 3
that picture isn't #205's
hmlftw 0
205 Your so damn fine.
lordcaliburx 0
holy shit I love you for saying that. great timing and great execution.
PageantGirlXOXO 16
'JennaMason' your picture is of Jenna Marie. In case you guys don't know she is a site model. She is gorg and my friends know her in real life. I would advise changing your picture quickly.
gkings18 1
haha I hope it's not actually 205.. grease
C6Racer 0
That's your idea of gorgeous? I sure beg to differ, unless it's just a bad pic.
I_R_Genius 3
#244, If the picture isn't copyrighted in any shape or form, they she/he can use it. If it is however copyrighted in her name, then she can get in trouble.
PageantGirlXOXO 16
I think she is very pretty! From what I hear she is a charming girl. Correct me if I am wrong, but I don't think it's actually her account.
PageantGirlXOXO 16
268: Really? Hmmm...I didn't know that! Well I wouldn't know if she copyrighted her pictures hahaha :)
JManHobbs 0
All pictures are copyright as soon as they're taken. That's sort of the point.
insanesna1l 0
cameras steal your soul
iwubbtitties_fml 0
he definetly doesnt deserve it, she shouldnta left the kitchen in the first place, did she think she has rites or somethin?
ivegotanarb 0
nice fake photo jenna
stewpididiot 11
no copyright violation unless property is used for profit or gain.
tdog_ossim 0
Everyone who said JennaManson's profile picture is really Jenna Marie is a dumbass. If you didn't jump to conclusions like an idiot you would realize her profile says her name is Jenna "MARIE" Manson. Next time don't be a little bitch. It doesn't matter if my profile picture is of me or someone else. I can set mine as a random cat if I wanted to. FAGGOTS.
Sadochan 0
#272: I'm using a picture from a comic that isn't mine. so if that person is a fan and wishes to be her, without ruining her name, it's all good.
Mikekenny 0
she does look pretty but her arms seem to start small and get bigger either bad picture or touch upp
Waxy5 2
You are all wrong on this copyright stuff. Comics are different then people. If you are pretending to be someone else that is real then you are breaking the law. Even if you are not scamming anyone you cannot legally pretend to be someone under any circumstance. Aliases are a different subject but since that user is in fact using someones photo then they could be prosecuted in the full extent of the law.
ImanAzol 4
Per US law, a work is copyrighted at the moment of completion. Registration of copyright increases your legal position. The (c) symbol is a courtesy. But unless the creator specifically grants permission, use is illegal. Don't bitch to me, I'm just the messenger.
kris12k4 7
win
violetrider123 3
agreed
27BronxBombers 12
the person is claiming to be her. it says on her profile Jenna Marie mason
UnderTheMoon 0
p
EvilCupcake8361 9
talley wacker
Link5794 18
Penis
slappygecko 21
Nob
MehrunesDagon456 20
Rooster
Renesaga 8
... Owned by your wife, asshole.
AngryNinja 1
My thought exactly. She obviously didn't whip him enough.
wendyyyy 0
So... it's her fault? :/
bariforlife 0
he got his ass handed to him!!
Jackmangold 0
I didn't get the mom part of the joke.
skatergirl2016 0
I bet the people who said his life sucks are mostly men
Ferret_Fanatic94 8
i dont get the wife's response....
traze 7
Who's the bitch now?
Perksofbeingawal 0
Muthaaaf*ckaaa!
flammenhund 4
She is :o
snowfox_fml 10
no she isn't 281. it's his fault for being such a sexist prick in the first place
anlhawks 5
bahahah oilers . they have no respect
iridebmx 0
he is(:
meownow 0
embarrassed . and YDI for trying to be cool wtf is this high school?
that_is_Nathy 9
yepp. Really, trying to be cool? XD I'm female and not even angry because "you're a jerkfor being chauvinistic". But you really failed. Trying to make fun of your wife while she totally owned you. Haha!
meownow 0
haha he deserved it !
Residence_fml 4
Thank you for your post because I totally agree on this one :P. Come on OP, trying to be cool?
ImAnInsomniac 3
serious who "tries to be cool" after middle school. auto ydi. maybe if OP had said "jokingly told my wife to..."
ollallie 0
I HATE JUSTIN BEIBER
Gamer_Bum 1
JUSTIN BEIBER IS WHO I HATE
Avenged7Gabe 0
and YDI for liking Justin beiber retard
emmanizzer 6
poor justin bieber :(
Blueknite47 0
dont you EVER mix cleverbot with justin bieber.
Bubblerider 3
219- SAME HERE
erongetti 2
agreed. If op is still trying to "be cool" he should go back to high school. his wife can stay though
kpacek330 0
asshole. did you really think you'd get sympathy by posting this?
banana_buddy 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Well i sympathize with him, IDK why all u dicks are hating on OP. Give the guy a break he was just trying to tell a joke, it's not like he beats his wife FFS.
lukehappygilmore 4
I agree with 108. js
melanie177 1
Agree, this guy is such an asshole!
Mik232 0
amen!!
thao_fml 6
Yep, no sympathy. It is still really annoying when my bf puts me down to look cool in front of his lame friends. For those of you saying, "omg, it's just a joke!"... Well the wife also had a clever reply. No harm, right?
tweetbaby14 18
yes, 108, belittling people to "look cool" in front of friends is always acceptable. I agree wholeheartedly...
kornhead09 0
lol I doubt this homeboy was posting his shit on fmylife in this form for sympathy lol people these dad gosh
Redhead99 16
I agree with you. A man should not put his woman down just to look kool. That's not even being a real man, I'd dump him immediately.
hmlftw 0
Agreed with 108
mariluvs 0
PRAISE TA LAAWWDD!!!!:D
WeeWizeL 0
JEEEEEZUS!!
FreeDome_fml 0
op's a motherfucking bro. fistbumps to you
Bri555 0
yupp!
Monkeybutt1 0
It dOesnt matter why he said it, its really offesive and he ua lucky he didnt get slapped or something !!!
12aramey 0
sure. both are jokes and it's fine, cool it.
gregorioa 0
shutup fatty. ur a real hard ass calling people assholes over the internet. go get laid
fightingkittens 39
Are you that thick, 108? He wasn't trying to tell a joke, he was trying to sound super-macho and cool in front of his buddies (which, by the way, translates as a douchebag.) I think he posted it because he knew he had been a total dick, and wanted to point out this epic fail. His wife wins, by the way.
InBetweenDreams 0
Your wife is a genius, amazing comeback. :D YDI for trying to be "cool" by putting down your wife in front of your buddies. You don't look cool, you look like a douche. :/
sourgirl101 29
I personally don't understand the "come back" but I am glad that the wife spoke up and didn't accept her husband being disrespectful.
PeteyPablo12308 20
I don't get it either...
auto_da_fe 2
I didn't get it at first either, but I reread it and it sounds like a fat joke. Like his mom is a pig or a cow. I'm just guessing though.
mjac4ever 3
i do't get it :( plz help
janise 2
@ sourgirl101: He told her to get back in the kitchen and she responded with the quip about turning his mother so I'm guessing she was implying that she was cooking his mother. Not sure but that's how I interpreted it.
ihasbrains 10
After I read your comment, I figured it was like a 'your mom' joke. 'Your mom is so fat it takes twenty minutes for one side of her to get cooked properly.' But you know, that's just how I interpreted it.
Avenged7Gabe 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
no his wife is a bitch, all he did was ask his wife to leave the room
irockfendergirl 0
230- And this is why you'll never have a girlfriend.
ihasbrains 10
lol number 235, win. Obviously 230 didn't understand the 'trying to be cool' part of the FML.
ThoraxeTheImpale_fml 0
no.he was making a sexcist joke.not asking her to leave the room.just trying to seem funny.
mousepad41 0
ydi for being sexist
ilovemyboys 0
thanks for explaining I was confused! but good for her!!
MidgeCourtz 9
Pahahah. Maybe YOU should be in the kitchen, seeing as you'll never have a wife!
Ithinkiloveyou09 0
You deserve it assface
Avenged7Gabe 0
he did not ******* deserve it you ******* bitch, all he did was nicely ask his wife to leave the room and she turned psycho bitch on him
sexxxysydney 14
Uhhhhhhm you need to calm the **** down 226, he totally did deserve it for being a little hitch and trying to impress his friends by putting his woman down and she put his bitch ass in his place. It was well deserved, sooooooo shut the **** up.
emmanizzer 6
*whispers* I think there's sonething wrong with Gabe.... :/
allmidnighteyes 11
He likes Avenged Sevenfold. That's what's wrong with him.
tblax44 0
well thats an asshole move
IrishSoulja 4
OP you are an asshole who doesnt deserve a wife, go die :)
krazy_glu3 0
really? go die? all because he tried to make a joke about his wife? that's stupid.
crazycornn 0
haha xD yeah I mean the guys an asshole but go die? really?
IrishSoulja 4
Yeah he should go die :)
Atowns40 18
Little much dont you think? To tell someone to die is the worst thing you can say to someone.
TallMist 32
There are things far worse than death.
Rainbow_dumpster 28
You know that makes you a complete asswipe to be a smooth, sexist jerk, OP. You ******* deserved it. Asswipe.
Pb25797051 0
Are you going to cry, 11? What is the big deal anyways?
23JAYMONEY23 0
being**
gregorioa 0
look everyone! it's Antoine Dodsons brother! shutup hoodrat.