Today, a male co-worker asked me in what shape I shave my pubic hair. Jokingly, I replied that I have a very nicely trimmed dodecahedron. Now he's telling everyone at work that I have a venereal disease. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I was giving a talk in class, when halfway through someone pointed out that my pubes were sticking out my trousers. FML
Today, a co-worker asked me if I had a comb he could borrow. I'm bald. FML
Today, my coworker asked to borrow my nail clippers so he could take care of a hangnail. He went to the bathroom, which I thought was polite, but when he got back to his desk and returned my clippers, there were little curly hairs stuck inside. He's bald. FML
Today, I finally told my boyfriend I have a medical condition that makes me grow an unusual amount of hair on my face, so I shave every day. He said he was leaving me because he refuses to be with a "bearded lady". FML
Today, on my break, I decided to be friendly and chat with a co-worker that everyone else always seems to avoid. He spent the next ten minutes telling me all about his abcessing sebaceous cysts. Apparently, "The scars look just like gunshot wounds." FML
Today, I confided to my boyfriend that I have a condition that causes me to grow thick toe hair. He now won't stop calling me "the sexy Hobbit." FML
Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I noticed he looked uncomfortable. When I asked what was wrong, he asked when the last time I shaved was. I answered, "I shaved my legs this morning." He shook his head and said, "No, I meant your face." FML
Today, I came into work with a new hair cut and so far everyone has asked me If I lost a bet. FML
Today, I had to beg my husband not to shave his pubic hair into a handlebar moustache. FML
Today, my coworker, who has a tendency to overshare, decided to tell me she has chlamydia. I threw my hands in the air and said, "Stop. I don't wanna know." A customer heard this exchange and we were both written up. FML
Top comments
SkoomaKi 28
Anyone brave enough to attempt to shave a dodecahedron in their pubic hair? You could become a pubic legend OP!
ILoveFluttershy 3
Sarcasm is no match for stupidity
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Comments (186)
rainbowflag 2
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
that is considered sexual harassment you can have him fired
TrueTriage 16
Yeah we've had some rough FMLs but this one I think takes it the crown of weirdest yet that I've read.
Enslaved 38
Well, the OP jokingly answered back his question so that would lead me to believe she's bringing on this smut talk/harassment apron herself.
simonsaysYDI 8
29 - It's not OP's fault the guy is an idiot. But you're being the exact person that causes these problems. Men and women say, "Oh, so and so is filing for sexual harassment and it wasn't even a big deal," like the woman should have taken a joke and when they DO take a joke then it's, "Oh they brought it on themselves."
fromthesuck 8
Well does it seem like she's filing? No? Then I guess she was able to take it as a joke. Your point is moot.
Drigr 9
Or OP coulda said from the start they weren't comfortable with that type of behaviour in the work place. But since they joked back, it seems like they were initially fine with it. As for what the guy did afterwards, he's a moron and should be sent back to a highschool geometry class
thecovert 7
Moot means debatable.
sasha_kay 4
That guy is obviously an idiot and didn't pass 6th grade geometry, you should file for sexual harassment.
mandak1982 3
Moot doesn't actually mean debatable. It means that someone's argument in said debate is irrelevant or invalid.
doctorhook86 25
Is anyone else amused by the fact that the OP claimed she sculpted her pubes into a three-dimensional shape? I wish she hadn't been joking, so that I could how much pubic hair and mousse it took to make. If pubic sculpting isn't a sport yet, it ought to be.
A7X_LoVeee 10
Honestly, I think getting him fired for this is a little extreme. Sure, the guy is weird for asking the question and wrong for telling everybody else but I would try talking to him first. However if it doesn't stop then tell your boss or if he's done something like this before then yeah file for sexual harassment.
Boob_fml 6
I will never understand why the replies to posts like this are always, "GET HIM FIRED!!" - how about TELL HIM TO STOP. Besides, OP is in Israel, not here where the answer to anything someone doesn't like is to make them lose their job and/or sue them for money.
doctorhook86 25
73: Sexual harassment needs to be taken seriously, so firing needs to be one of the potential consequences. Should this guy specifically be fired for this? Not sure, but it sounds like there's a pattern of sexual harassment toward the OP. That's serious.
A7X_LoVeee 10
That's exactly what I said but thanks.
doctorhook86 25
79: Firing is not too extreme a punishment for this situation. That's my point.
Drigr 9
68, I would be more amused if she said a Tesseract.
BobbieH 19
Why are there comments about harassment and consequences? OP didn't mention anything about being harassed. This is obviously an acceptable type of conversation for OP. This FML is about the coworker thinking her answer had something to do with disease and not a shape.
eccentrix 12
Telling everyone someone has a venereal disease seems like harassment to me. It also doesn't sound like behavior which is appropriate for the workplace if they can just fire him and find someone more professional.
gracehi 33
Whether or not OP has an STD, and regardless of whether or not their initial interaction is sexual harassment, it was NOT that guy's place to tell everyone about something that anyone with even the slightest amount of common sense would realize should be kept between the two people discussing it. This sort of thing happened to me at work, except somebody decided that because I rented a spare room out to a friend while my husband was away, that must mean that I was having an affair. People at my job also believed that I was an alcoholic, a cat hoarder, and that I had eaten a synthetic grease we use to lubricate helicopter parts, none of which is true. Once a false rumors starts, it's very hard to convince the population of the truth, and your reputation is ruined because of something that isn't even true. In the end I got so sick of hearing some new bull shit about me every day that I had a friend tell everyone that I was a hermaphrodite. Needless to say they all felt pretty stupid when they found out it wasn't true. After that there were no more rumors. That asshole TOTALLY deserves to get fired. I have absolutely no sympathy for people who take pleasure in publicly humiliating others.
jizzwold 21
I don't understand how any of you can think that someone deserves to be financially punished for something coming out of their mouth that isn't "I'm going to murder you." Sure he made a bad decision and perhaps he has even made several other comments that are inappropriate and make people feel uncomfortable but how can you feel that you are doing the right thing when you are taking away someone's livelihood for making someone feel uncomfortable in the workplace? Does that not seem drastic to all of you?
doctorhook86 25
101: "Making someone uncomfortable in the workplace," as you say, is exactly the point. Nobody should have to choose between not working and being sexually harassed. The OP's sex life and medical status is none of this coworker's business. Workplaces have the right to demand that all of their employees behave professionally, spreading stories about STIs is the opposite of being professional.
patrickalamo 48
You still cannot fix stupid.
shannonreneee 11
101, I tried to take that attitude with a coworker once. Let the inappropriate comments slide, but because I didn't take a stand (also I found it difficult to confront a senior about their behavior) it resulted in attempts of physical harassment. I now regret not going to my boss sooner over the "inappropriate comments/jokes". OP's work environment shouldn't be compromised for another person.
simonsaysYDI 8
101 - There's a reason behavior like that isn't tolerated in most every workplace. What might seem like a joke or just a mild discomfort to someone could very easily be unbearable to the victim of it. Who are you to judge the amount of damage that one persons idiotic actions does to someone else. "Oh he just shoves the kid in a locker on a daily basis, it's only a discomfort, why should one idiotic asshole have to find a new school." A line has to be drawn somewhere, personally I think it should be LONG before murder threats.
StreetReaper 9
It's only sexual harassment if OP had told him on a least one previous occasion to stop with his comments. It can only be deemed harassment if it is a repeated occurrence, otherwise it is a one-off asinine comment from an ass.
rainbowflag 2
89-sexual harassment isn't only a physical matter just making a dirty joke at work can get you fired if someone is offended by it. but you're probably to stupid or young to have a job.
delta1987 2
Sexual harassment? She played into it. People like you make the work day a long one. People play around and last time I checked most of are adults and can take a joke!
outoftown 27
117, you can "fix" stupid in the workplace by the ancient tradition of firing their stupid ass.
outoftown 27
124, last time I checked, most people don't consider an STI rumor a joke.
doctorhook86 25
122 & 124: You're right, the OP screwed up by playing along and not establishing boundaries sooner. She (or her company) may need to review the sexual harassment policy... ...But her coworker needs to face serious disciplinary action. Spreading sexual rumors in the workplace is completely unacceptable.
Oreohugzpenny 4
That guy was being pervy just asking you that. I suggest telling everyone in the office that his dick is as big as a geico's. And Ivcan't even see there's!
laden_swallow09 35
143- Use proper English, and you MIGHT get fewer negative votes.
downtime 13
After all this debating I feel I should point out it is EXTREMELY unlikely he would be fired for this. The acceptable protocol in this instance legally is to stop the problem through discussion, behaviour monitoring and an investigation. This sort of behaviour is not extreme enough for firing to be considered off the bat. The only instances where I can foresee him getting fired is if the company has a really strict sexual harassment policy or they're just so shit scared of getting in trouble they act rashly without much hesitation.
ohSNAPyall 27
143 that is a terrible idea. If you start talking to your coworkers about his dick, they'll think you've been together, which gives credence to the STI rumor.
ChattyKathy0502 2
Glad I'm not the only one that sees this.
fullacrapallofyou 14
Not if she replied
EmoSquirrel 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Well.. That's nice...
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Pressure of attempting to be the first comment?
gurly98 13
Nice one
Judahsh 8
Why are all fml commenters such snobs? Not all comments need to be funny, original, or like any 'witty' comments ive seen here. Sometimes a "well.. That nice..." is a good comment. It means you sympathize with the op. why is it getting buried? Back off
xleanne_aLly 23
Lol, anyone else wondering why the **** he asked Op what shape he shaves his pubes in the first place?
unknown_user5566 27
103- We are not snobs, we just like to see entertaining comments. We are on a humor site, after all.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
103- Don't worry. You'll learn fast. I sure did! And be as meticulous with spelling and grammar as possible. Well, of course, unless you enjoy being thumbed down.
simonsaysYDI 8
103 - Because, "Well that's nice," does nothing for the OP and frankly, nothing for us. It's an obvious and sad attempt at being "first" without typing, "FIRST!!"
downtime 13
103, Nobody cares about people who post those comments further down, when they're at the top it becomes painfully clear that their goal was just to get the first comment. Anywhere else and your comment will just be buried rather than mocked because its shit.
SkoomaKi 28
Anyone brave enough to attempt to shave a dodecahedron in their pubic hair? You could become a pubic legend OP!
miyaviichan 27
I'll try... I'll get like a ruler too.
MerrikBarbarian 9
And now I want to try this to see if it can be done..., I figure I can taxidermy a cinereous shrew, which is the size of a baby mouse... I might have the fine motor control to pull it off. Well that or there will be a fml about how I messed up in some horrible manner
TheDragonWarrior 5
Don't forget a protractor! Once you get an angle wrong your in for lopsided doom
yankfan89 27
Use a stencil that way you don't have to worry about rulers or protractors.
TheDragonWarrior 5
32- genius!!
ScaughtieHolden 11
Yes, definitely a legend considering a decahedron is three-dimensional.
doctorhook86 25
Twelve regular pentagonal sides. You're gonna need a mold.
jizzwold 21
Yeah 82 is right and you can't shave a three dimensional shape into your pubes
TheDrifter 24
Care to wager on that? A good bush can make all sorts of 3D shapes.
Bonzer 2
I can make a pony.
LLZNH 1
If anyone can accomplish this, they should try to get a picture in the "Believe it or not" museum! they probably won't except you but its worth the hilarious try!
OneBigMessUp 5
Hahaa! Don't joke with co-workers... It neve ends well
OneBigMessUp 5
never*
tpike1296 11
51: not really, if it's their own comment. At least in my opinion. I find it assey NOT to correct your own small errors.
MissMae93 23
59 - That's why you rely on the username, not the picture ;)
ILoveFluttershy 3
Sarcasm is no match for stupidity
22cute 17
And a thesaurus is a prehistoric animal!
epicwaffles 7
Should've gone for a mullet.
itssosparkly 21
Too 80s. Everyone knows all the cool kids nowadays want mohawks. Not that I'm sure how that would work.
DracoSpirita 21
Or form it into mustaches... That would be fun. Handlebar mustache, Chinese mustache, Hitler mustache... The possibilities are endless.
TheDrifter 24
The Hitler mustache seems a rather popular style here. Just a little rectangle of tribute, or possible warning to incoming suitors.
RedPillSucks 33
I'm having a hard time picturing a mullet. Business in the front, ok, a nice trim clean cut. Party in the back???? Hair all the way to her ass???? Wait... not that kind of HARD time.. awww, ding it. I've jizzed myself.
outoftown 27
71, thank you for bringing the thread back to public hair (umm, don't think I've ever typed that sentence before).
WCARlover 35
Even if he was asking jokingly that is extremely inappropriate and not to mention awkward of him to inquire about your pubic hair...
Judahsh 8
So shouldn't be my pickup line? I use t every time!
jtthegr8 26
It does seem to be quite the fabulous pick up line
Deannie88 6
That's not something he should ask in a professional place anyway. And it's people like him that are that 1% at work that everyone can't stand....
photoquilty 6
1%? More like 20 or 30%.
KiiwiiRox 6
It actually depends on where you work at. Everywhere I've worked there's only been one person who's been a dick/bitch.
dominic1221 6
Yeah but unless you worked with 100 or more people, #42's point still stands.
pwnman 33
Lol
courtz94 24
He sounds rude. This is considered sexual harassment wether he intends to do so or not. I would talk to him first and then report him if it doesn't do any good.
erinnrose 9
If I were a guy, I wouldn't answer even if it were a joke that's a pretty awkward question.
erinnrose 9
I just realized op was a girl* my bad hahaha, but the part with the awkward question still stands